No Pressure Here

I do believe the blood thinner is working! My arm does not hurt as bad and the pressure seems to be easing.  Matt gave me the shot in my belly this morning and did a fabulous job.  4 more to go!

More good news .... I have my taste buds back! Yeah!  Hubby made steak for dinner tonight and I could actually taste it.

He drove me to/from work today as I wasn't sure how shaky I was gonna be. 

Sis' Backyard

Life is good ~ Isn't it?

I feel free as a bird.

Elf-like Earrings

A few years ago, I picked up these earrings at an art expo.  Aren't they way cool?  I didn't wear them much because of my long hair, but now....

Matt took this picture Jan 21. Just showing off my short cut.  A very different look for me.

Somebody Just Shoot Me ~ Would ya?

My hospital room was a private room and I was certainly grateful for that.  It's been awhile since I've been overnight in the hospital.  All the nurses were great, no problem there.  I tried to fall asleep by 11:00, but as tired as I was, struggled.  My arm was pounding and it was difficult getting comfortable. About 2:30, I asked Nurse Ashley for the sleeping pill she had on order.  I think it worked by 4:00.  I got up between 6-7am (I think) and got myself ready to go home.

Matt arrived about 8:30am to learn how to give me a shot.  He has experience with a diabetic, so it set my mind at ease.  We had to first wait for Doc Esther to do her rounds and to provide the prescriptions.  When I saw her, she said that I would need to take blood thinners for at least 3 months if not for the whole duration of chemotherapy :( 

I asked her how many blood clots and she said "multiple". My arm experienced trauma from the port. (anybody see pictures of that?!)  Okay, so the port was put in Jan 4. My first chemo was Jan 12. And now my follow up was Jan 23.  Besides calling the doc's office last week, there were a few times that she did see my arm AND I did give her photos when I saw her Jan 12.  (the ones you see in my earlier post).  I told her that I was glad she listened to me and that she ordered the ultrasound.  I hope I was letting her know that "hey, I know my body and it was telling me it was off.  Next time, listen to me clearer".  How about this....next time I speak LOUDER.  In her own words, she told me to get bitchier. For those who know me, not quite my style....but this is one thing that you don't have to tell me twice.

After she left, we had to wait for the pharmacy to bring the kit and show us how to use it.  We waited and waited.  Then, we were given the script to pick it up at CVS.  The pharmacist called it in for price and the Lovenox was $1,000.  No can do.  Give me something else or forget it.  So then we waited more hours as they determined that Fragmin could be an alternative.  But, guess what, still expensive. So, the social worker came in next to see if we qualify for financial aid.  But do you know how long that takes?  I'll need my next shot at 9pm.   Feel like I'm behind the eight ball.

She came back in with the offer that they may have some "in reserve".  If so, we could make arrangements to pick it up.  By 12:30, we were heading back to the McDowell center to pick up the needed syringes and God has blessed us .... free!  PLUS instead of twice a day, I only need 1 shot per day. I like that!

I would say "somebody just shoot me!"  And it looks like it will be possible.

Home by 1pm, lunch in my belly.  A quick note to catch everyone up. And a thank you to all those that cared for me Ashley, Gea, the social workers.

Colorado

As I was at the discharge desk, I met a beautiful woman who had just lost her mom 5 months ago to breast cancer.  I understand her sadness.  Her mom was her best friend.  I'm glad that my heart and mind was open to receive her (and not still inside my own drama).  I plan to visit her from time to time just to say hi and to keep her in my daily prayers.

Now for some rest ~

First Follow-up Post Chemo & Hospital Stay

Very long day....but now that I am finally settled in my hospital bed (10:25pm), I'll try to recount the events of today.

My appointment with Doc Esther was at 1pm today.  My blood count (napir) was great and I got the opportunity to ask her a lot of questions.

First on the list was my port and the fact that I had deep blue veins showing through my skin.  It was still tender and sore.  Once she examined me, she decided to have an ultrasound done to check for blood clots.  Her assistant got it set up for 4:00 today and the work order said "Hold patient".  So, I wasn't going anywhere until the test was read and my doctor reviewed it.  So, I waited in the waiting room (good name to call the room) until I got antsy around 5:20p and asked them if I could go home.  The receptionist said my doctor is calling me on the hallway phone.  Doc Esther said that there were blood clots and that she wanted me to report to admitting in the main hospital.  Whaaa???? I wasn't ready for that! No overnight bag....what about my car?.....what about my husband?  (you should call him, she said).....my head is swimming (I know that, dear, but you just need to go to the admitting desk and they will take care of you).

I called Matt to tell him and he quickly made arrangements to get to the hospital.  Jasmine was with him as she was coming over for dinner tonight.  My brother-in-law dropped them off at the hospital so Matt could take my car back home (good thinking sis).  They arrived while I was still in the lobby waiting for my transportation.  We decided to get dinner at the cafe since I would be missing the dinner hour on the floor.  Salad was great ~

While we waited, Doc Esther walked by, saw me, and stopped to explain further what was going to happen.  Cumadine takes too long to take effect in the body, so in the meantime, I am to get shots of Lovenox in my belly. They have kits and will teach us how to self administer twice a day in the belly for five days.  Wow, what a turn of events!

So, I finally got settled in.  Family has gone home. Meds have been given. Shot has been given. Now, I've just settled back with the laptop that mom & Tommy got and listening to the constant beep in the hallway. 

The pharmacist will be here in the morning to show us how to administer the shot.  After that, I should be able to go home. 

I did call the doctor's office Friday about the port, but was told it was normal.  I mentioned that I didn't want to call and bug and Doc said "you have to be a bitch. you have to nag"  So, next time, I'm going to press harder because I did know something was "off" in my body. 

Some of the other questions:

1) pH balance and vitamin supplements (specially Vitamin D): Doc wasn't very keen on either ideas.  She said the kidneys already did a fabulous job of balancing the body.  If I drink milk, then I am probably getting enough Vit D.  Always room for better food intake and I know I need to do better in this area. Feedback?

2) Talked about the bone-crushing effects and the neuropathy. Doc said that each chemo treatment would have a different level of pain and symptoms each time.  She agreed to change my pain meds. (relief)

3) Talked about chemo and radiation treatment....staying on course? or any changes?  5 more treatments, plus 11 more for the Herceptin.  Then radiation.  Any chance we can cancel the radiation? "not a chance, there would be a 40% chance of canzer coming  back if we don't". hmmmmm

My notes are out in the car,  but this is what I remember so far.

My night nurse, Ashley, has been great.  She is personable and told me about her mother's experience (6 years survivor and doing well).  Her brother is studying pharmaceuticals in Germany and you can tell how proud she is of him.

Backyard

Getting tired, so I'll sign off for now.  I'll certainly keep you posted!
Sleep well ~

Be an Active Participant

I've been reading the Breast Cancer: 50 Essential Things You Can Do book that my sister bought me.  I think it is even a book for people without cancer as it is geared towards "us" being an active participant in our own healing and wellness.  That is something we can all do everyday in all areas of body, mind and spirit.  "The most important person on your health and healing team is you! You are the one who is ill. It is you who must work to get well again. You are the character of central importance. You are in charge."

Sometimes I wonder if treatment started too fast.  I've read that 2nd opinions are strongly recommended....I didn't get one.  I trusted in the fact that my medical oncologist is the head of the department.  I see her Monday to follow-up since my first treatment.  I plan to have a list of questions and concerns for her.  The answers or responses I get will tell me if I'm making right decisions for myself.

Yesterday (Friday), I went to work and wore one of my new hats.  Just wanted to try it out to see how it would feel wearing it all day.  Not too bad.  I felt stronger today, although concentration is still a struggle.  Got my "medicine" of hugs, which is always appreciated.  I'm a hugger. 

My concern is the port.  It is still very, very sore, especially in my arm pit. Deep blue veins are showing from the port across my chest to my breast.  I don't have these veins showing anywhere else on my body like that.  Very strange ... it makes me wonder if something is blocked or wrong.  That will be concern/question on the top of the list when I see her.  If I had a fever or any other sign, trust me, I would go to the ER. 

The neuropathy has been aggrevating. The numb tingling sensation in my hands and feet is worse than hitting your crazy bone on your elbow.  I pray this abates .... today is Day 9 post treatment.

So, over the weekend, I hope to get my notes pulled together to provide Doc Esther with my pain levels, medications taken and any other information since treatment. One thing I can say is that the nausea medicine worked.  I felt queasy at times, but never got "sick".  That's a good thing!  The metallic taste in my mouth and the neuropathy is probably the biggest problem (so far).

I hope you have a wonderful, happy weekend.  We got blasted overnight with a snow storm. The landscape is beautifully white.  May this day be filled with peace ~

Why I am Where I am

Today, I made it through a full shift of work! Oh boy, was I tired, but I did it.  I'm so grateful to have the type of job I do have.  I work in the world of HR/Benefits, mainly leave of absences.  Expert in FMLA.  With this, comes dealing with medical issues and benefits ... but more importantly, people.  In hospice situations, I get involved with their families as well.  There are very special memories I have kissing the cheek of someone who is taking their last breathe.  I whisper, "save a dance for me in heaven".  The special bond with those families is something I will always treasure.

After a month of feeling consumed with my own illness, I was reminded today of why I am where I am. God surely knew where I would be of most value to Him in this world.  I am grateful indeed.

Despite the roller coaster, today was a triumphant day as I rested in God's grace.

pH Balance

As I read through other blogs trying to find resources, encouragement, etc. (see blog list) I came across

pH Balance

What do you think? (scroll down to the chart)

To Cathy

Cathy has been in a lot of conversations lately.  Especially since getting my hair cut.  It brings me back to the poem I wrote a few years ago.  Until We Meet Again

I love you
I miss you

A Chance to Refocus

Blue Ridge Parkway

Thank God for New Days ~

Your prayers for me are always appreciated.  A friend of mine called me tonight and as usual, prays with me before hanging up.  It brings a new meaning to "I'll say a prayer for you".  To hear the words straight to God and to feel warmth inside my soul brings peace.  The timing was perfect. It was also a chance to pray for her, especially for her upcoming missions trip to Haiti.  A chance to "refocus". 

Matt drove me to work this morning. I had a mini meltdown before pulling out of the drive, but I was determined to get my routine going again and to focus on others again.  First call that came in was from an employee whose family member committed suicide.  Refocus.  It's not just about me.

The first person I saw did a double-take with my new hair-do.  She is going on this journey as well and has been a great encourager.  It was surprising how many people didn't recognize me at first.  I've never had my hair this short before.  And I was surprised by new dangly earrings from Miss Debbie :)

By mid-morning, I knew that I wasn't going to last a full shift.  Christie was able to pick me up by 3:00 to take me home.  6 hours of work! Progress!  Sure did move slow, though...hands still hurt, gut hurts, fatigue, but today I know that tomorrow will be better.  Because each day does.

Back to work ... Well, Almost

I cried myself to sleep last night.  The pain in my feet and hands returned full force and my nausea kicked up.  I settled into a fitful sleep after taking a pain pill.  

The alarm went off and I found myself shuffling instead of walking.  Actually, I was walking like I had M.S.  Very unstable.  As I washed my short hair, reality kicked me in the gut again.  That keeps happening.  I got fully ready for work though. Nose bleeding, hands swollen, bones hurting and hubby said he didn't want me driving.  I really wasn't sure how I would anyway.  I certainly didn't want to hurt anyone on the road.  This is frustrating.  I called off work...just one more day...pjs back on.  I'm freezing.  I can see I need a scarf for my bare neck.

It's mid afternoon now and my gait is better.  Please continue to get better....

I was reading some other blogs wondering why my 4th and 5th day isn't "rosy" as what I was lead to believe.  Every one is different and every cocktail is different.  That is the bottom line.  I feel like apologizing to the world for not being a better sport about all this.  For not bouncing back quickly.

Then my sister said that honesty is the  best policy and that sometimes it just helps to know there is a witness.  I think she's right.  I can only relay my journey as honestly as I can and allow you to be my witness.  So, when all this is finally done, you will be a testimony to my story.

In other news, today is Matt's first day back to school.  He was worried leaving me all day.  It will be after 8pm when he gets back.  This is important though and I want him to continue striving for his dreams. 

That is what each one of us should do each day.  Live every moment like it was your last.  Be completely filled up with joy and love and laughter.  That is my wish to you ~

Just Chop it Off ~

Today is Day 4 after chemo.  Better than Day 3 .... but that "better" didn't happen until early evening.  The pain in my joints have lessened. The queasy feeling is still there.  Now I know the days I'll probably miss work.  Thursday and Monday.  Today, was like a mac truck hit me.

Oh well, life keeps going on.

My sister hooked me up with a friend who cuts hair.  Debbie was very gracious to come over to my home to "get 'er done".  It shocked me looking in the mirror ... I saw Cathy. 

Just a short cut to get use to being shiny as a cue ball.  Once my hair starts falling out, Matt is going to shave it for me.  He wants to give me a Mr T look first.  Boys ~

My Album

Day 3

I woke up at midnight with the worse pain in my joints. All day, it felt as if someone smashed my bones with a hammer.  My knees, ankles, feet and hands.  I've had 3 pain pills throughout the day, with no relief.  Headache, queasy.  I hope that this is the worst of it and the last day of it.

Tomorrow is a holiday and, thankfully, no work.  I'm not sure how all this is going to effect my work schedule. I got my paycheck from being off work and it was low.  I just need to figure out how to toughen up and not miss much work.

Sis brought over a wonderful meal of roast and potatoes.  I'm so grateful!

I'm anxious to feel well enough to take the camera out and snap some winter wonder landscape.  Feeling a tad couped up!  Plan to get my stitches out tomorrow from the port. 

It's early evening and I'm finally able to move my fingers enough to type.  Things can only get better. Right?

Day 2

I've been told that side effects generally start on day 2 after chemo.  I'm tired today, had a few queasy moments, body aches, lots of bathroom visits .... but, I'm hanging in there.  Mom made homemade chicken noodle soup, which hit the spot.  I can tell that I'm loosing some tastebuds though.

Christie stopped over tonight to visit.  Glad she did because I haven't seen her in several days since she's been sick.  She looked like a doctor with her blue mask on.  Lots of Purell too.  My laptop wouldn't turn on, so Tommy came over too ... he did a quick fix with the battery.  So, I'm back in contact with the world.

I have to admit that I had a little pitty party today.  Hope I don't have too many of them.  Real downers.  That's not generally who I am.  I pray for strength as this is going to be a long haul. 

Isn't it strange how life can be just moving along and then it all changes out of nowhere.  When my sister died, we all had to live in the "new norm".  It's difficult, but you have no choice.  I have no choice.  And I can't sit around feeling sorry for myself when there are others who are dealing with this canzer-thingy so much worse.  So, I apologize for my rantings.....

Life goes on.  One day at a time. Right?

And tomorrow is a new day.

Thank you, Jesus, for never letting me go.

The Day After - January 13

I'm not superstitious (don't tell grandpa). So, today is just another day.  Woke up to a whole lot of snow.  First heavy one since winter started. 

Slept on/off last night, kinda tired today.  Had a bowl of cheerios (good) and a cup of coffee (not so good).  Note to self, no coffee after chemo.  Took all required meds this morning...fighting off nausea.

Called Radiology today about my stitches.  Suppose to get them removed 7-10 days, today is Day 8.  She told me to stay home because of the weather and that Monday would be just fine.  Happen to have Monday off work, so that is fantastic. 

In the meantime, Matt was busy snowblowing.  He wanted to keep up with it anyway. 

Got a call today regarding a test of gene patterns called Oncotype DX.  There is still research to show if this test is beneficial, but I think anything that we can do to help others is worth it.  After talking about costs ($4,100) and I qualify for financial support bringing the total to ($0), I said yes. 

Ordered my hats & scarves today.  Should be here in 2-3 days (I hope).

Gonna bundle up and go rest today.  May God keep you safe and comfort you always.