The God of Hope

 

I have a confession to make. I struggle with bouts of depression. Like many, 2020 took me to my limits and has followed me thru late winter. Before you judge me too harshly, let me explain a few factors.

 

One, there were two decisions made in the very early days of my cancer treatment. The first was a script written for anti-depressants. I didn’t really think twice about it. There were a lot of new instructions given to me, tons of information to digest, along with the poking and prodding of tests and needles. The second decision - - - well, perhaps we can save that for another post.

 

The point to my lengthy explanation is that in July 2020, I was fully weaned off of them. After watching the dosage increase over 8+ years, I felt it was just time to stop. After all, by God’s helping hand, I had overcome so much and I just wanted to continue the detox of so much toxic garbage that had destroyed my good cells, along with the bad cells.  It took 3 months to calibrate the dosage down to zero.  Let me tell you, they aren’t kidding when they describe the withdrawal side effects (lightening jolts in the brain, flu-like symptoms). I couldn’t get out of bed for almost a week. And, yes, I was under my doctor's supervision.

 

But, I did it. I survived. Barely.

 

About 2 weeks later, I experienced amnesia. In a flash, I didn’t know who my husband was or the last dozen years of my life. I was terrified. The word “confused” doesn’t do it justice either. For 15 minutes, I knew nothing. It took another 15 minutes to slowly start remembering.  It really freaked out my husband.  This was a pivotal moment in the year 2020.  Leading up to this point, I was adjusting to a "new normal" of unemployment; a dream disappeared and was replaced by a nightmare; and there was more [how raw should I get].

 

It was enough for evil forces to swoop in for the final kill. By mid-August, our marriage was in trouble and I had moved out.  Then my mother died in September. Today, mom would have been 80 years old. Instead, she left for her heavenly home to be with my sister, my dad and so many more who wait for us to join them.

 

My husband and I were separated for 4 long months while God refined our souls. Individually, we were both crying out to God and went down the road to hell and back again--repeatedly. It was the hardest thing I ever experienced, including cancer treatment.

 

God remarkably restored our marriage one week before our divorce court date, which was scheduled 10 days prior to our 14^th wedding anniversary. I don’t believe that either of us can fully understand how the evil forces seeped into our lives and we are determined to never allow it to happen again. God has given us the grace to press forward and heal under His guidance and mercy. 

  

After all, He is the God of Hope

 

They say 20/20 is hindsight.  Perhaps 2020 was just a purging within this vessel.  Purging of toxic waste, influences and stinkin’ thinkin’.  We can now choose how we refill our vessel [the body, soul (mind) and spirit].  Perhaps this is true for many who have journeyed thru the isolation and self-reflection of this unusual year (plus).

 

There is so much I’ve learned about myself, but most of all, I’ve learned more about the God I serve. In your time of grief, of difficulty, where does your help come from?

 

 

[Psa 121:1-2 NIV]

1 A song of ascents. I lift up my eyes to the mountains--where does my help come from?

2 My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.

 

When the mountain doesn’t move, pray for the strength to climb the mountain.

If the giant doesn’t move, pray for the power to defeat that giant.

When your burdens are too big, cast them all upon the Lord.

 

What happens when God doesn’t remove your problem? The Bible gives us an amazing account of the 3 Hebrew boys thrown into a fiery furnace. God didn’t stop them from being thrown in, but He stood right there with them and walked thru it with them.

 

God is with you in your battle. The battle belongs to God, so let Him fight for you. The only way to withstand the fiery furnace is by coming to a place of total surrender and ask the Lord to go with you. He will bring you thru it.

 

The God of Hope

 

[Rom 15:13 NIV]

13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

As for my amnesia, it happened again 6 months later.  I have an EEG test next week and we’ll see what else is in store. As for my bouts of depression, God continues with those divine appointments that quickly gets me back to where I need to be -- body, mind & spirit.

Rejoice, my friend, that God’s mercy is new every day ~

The Power of Faith

There are many things that we already have “faith” in; such as a chair will keep you lifted up right off that floor and we have faith that it will continue to do so and not break apart. 

Faith is so much more and as we dive deeper into the heart of Christianity, we find the definition “Faith is a firm, cordial belief in the veracity of God, in all the declarations of His word; or a full and affectionate confidence in the certainty of those things which God has declared, and because He has declared them.” 

[Heb 11:1 NIV] 

1 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

[2Co 5:7 NIV] 

7 For we live by faith, not by sight. 

People of this world have a hard time believing in God. If there were a good God, why is there so much suffering?”  Why didn’t God create a world without suffering? Well, He did! Man messed it up….God didn’t. 

The word “suffer” means to “stay under”. To suffer means to finish your goal even when you experience adversity. This is a very interesting concept – to “finish your goal” even thru suffering. 

You have to walk thru it to get to the other side. 

We demand to understand why everything happens in our lives but sometimes suffering can seem pretty random. There are a lot of mysteries hidden in God and He is not going to give you all the answers.

[1Co 13:12-13 NLT] 

 12 Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. 13 Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love. 

God doesn’t want to hear all the “whys”, but instead, He wants to hear “I trust you, God. Even when I don’t understand what is happening, I trust you to work it out for my good. I will keep my eyes on you.”

[Prov 3:5-6 NIV] 

 5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. 

As we learn to trust God, the power of our faith grows and we can see God’s will in our lives more clearly. The decisions and consequences we make daily will always be a teaching moment for God, whether we suffer the consequences, or turn and seek God’s will in our lives. When we place our trust in God and seek His will in our lives, we also learn a great deal about who we are in Christ. And when bad things happen, God doesn’t always get you out of it, but He will give you grace to get through it. 

[2Co 12:9 NIV] 

 9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 

During hard times, you can either give in and give up, or you can allow your faith and trust in God to grow stronger. Our love and compassion for others takes on a whole new meaning when we face life issues. God will allow us to go thru things that He could deliver us from, just so He could use you to deliver other people from that same thing. Do not give up when it’s hard. 

Half of the scriptures are about God delivering us from suffering and not one of those says “when”. 

[Psa 34:19 NIV] 

 19 The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all; 

Faith dispels fear and worry. Fear is a liar and it leads you to forget all that God has done in your life. Fear makes you think that you are all alone and the oppressive spirit of fear seems to be the dominate emotion of this day and age. The Bible tells us that fear is not just an emotion or feeling, but an actual spirit that manipulates and operates in many people’s lives [2 Timothy 1:7]. This is why you find so many people constantly worried. We need to be guarded so we do not allow fear to creep into our lives.

Anxiety and stress are both the children of fear and it destroys our bodies, our soul and our minds. The power of the gospel of Jesus Christ is that we do not need to fear. We have not been given a spirit of fear for our hope rests in Jesus Christ, our defender and our sustainer. He is sovereign and He is always in control. 

[Jhn 16:33 NIV] 

33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." 

We don’t know our future, but God is already there. 

As the world continues to groan and the nearness of Jesus’ return comes closer, others are looking at Christians. How are they responding? Remember how Paul’s faith touched others during his suffering in prison [Acts 16:25 ]. The world needs to see something other than cowards. They need to see people that will stand up and not run away from every hard place in life, but will say that in the midst of all their trouble, 

God is good & I trust Him & I love Him & He will bring me out of this & I will have victory in my life. 

[Rom 5:1-2 NIV] 

 1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. 

God knows what you are going thru today. He knows your pain and every tear He holds in His hand. You just need to invite Him into your situation. 

 

Blessings to you my friend ~

Herception #12

Cuddled up with my soft blanket Jane made .... It's perfect for chemo treatment as the room is SO cold, even the waiting room is cold.  Today, I had Nurse Regina tend to me.  I feel "calm" in the familiar setting of the treatment clinic.  They take their duties seriously, yet they can tease one another. (I'm sure in their intense day, it relieves the stress). Watching them collect all the syringes, platex gloves, IV bags, etc ... the usual devices for taking vitals ... the laptops on their rolling table to go from patient to patient .... not to mention the chatter from nurse to nurse as they verify numbers and patient information for one another.  The chemo drug is based on patient's weight and other factors, and they whip out their calculators to figure out the cocktail.  The pharmacist makes the batch specially made for the individual.   That process gives me peace.

Herceptin ~ the estrogen blocker

I asked to talk to the pharmacist, Nicole and she popped over to answer the questions that I had regarding Anastrozole, the pill I have to take for 5 years.  By the way, she mentioned how some patients stop taking the pill after 3 years or even a few weeks.

Don't stop

She said that science shows that it should be taken for "at least" 5 years, if not longer.  I'll take her word for it.  I really, really, don't want to go through this again and if it helps, I'm doing it.

I shared with her the article I found and the side effect page.  She said that the news media can hype things to the extreme, so to not get overly stressed about the information.  It is a good idea to exercise and to make healthy food choices, but hormones that might be in meat products are not enough to cause the cancer to reoccur .... hmmmm.  The side effect page lists ALL possible side effects, but not all of them may come into play.  The most prevalent will be the sore joints and muscles and loss of hand grip.  If I do have problems with Anastrozole, I should call the doctor as there are other "sister" drugs that can be tried.  She told me to get supplemental calcium and Vitamin D.  And I am currently doing that ~

Just bringing my brain and emotions full circle.  You might not like to hear it but, 'none of us are getting out of here alive.' So, deal with it (at least that is what I'm telling myself) by ways that are important to you.

• Change the things that I can change
• Live your life to the fullest (wish I would have done that a long time ago)
• Prioritize ~ what is important?
• Oh my gosh, I really do need to declutter.  It is out of control, which makes me feel out of control
• Make that bucket list and actually check things off that list

There is HOPE for each day.

I was recently reminded of Paul, when he was in prison.  And even though his surroundings were unbearable, he had JOY deep in his heart.  I sense that as the ultimate calm. There are many times that I feel this as well.  Sorry you see the other side of me at times ~ you get to be on my roller coaster ride of emotions .... well, I'm an imperfect human.... But one that is full of HOPE. 

My hope is not for myself, say like in a cure for my body. A hope that is so much more than that.   Sadly, many get their happiness only from those things around them in their circle of circumstances.  But once those circumstances changes to illness, or loss or (fill in the blank), our happiness disappears. 

We yearn for peace ... and such is the peace Jesus promises to all who trust in Him.

I am with you always,

even to the end of the age.

Matthew 28:20

 

 

This is the hope,

This is the joy,

This is the peace that passes all understanding

 

It is only through God's grace and His mercy

that we can behold these blessings!