Herceptin #17 and The Last One!

Friday, December 14 was my 17th Herceptin drip.  8:00am, I arrived at the clinic and all its familiarity.  The white tree that sits elegantly next to the receptionist window was decorated with beautiful Christmas ornaments.  They have ornaments for each holiday or season .... Easter, St Patrick's day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Independence Day, etc... In the past 12 months, I have never seen it removed from the room or undecorated. 

I scanned my patient card and settled in my chair.  I decided to stop for coffee before coming in and SO glad I did.  This was the first time I actually made time to do so.  I pulled out my electronic Yahtzee game and watched as the nurses arrived to begin their work day. I wondered if they really knew how special they are to so many of "us". 

Nurse Regina took care of me today.  Nurse Karen was the other one on site and in the same chemo room.  On the other side of the hallway, it was Nurses Tracy, Dawn and Bev. 

All my angels

It was smooth sailing and the nurses reminded me that I will need to get my port flushed every 4-6 weeks.  It is hard to explain, but it gave me comfort knowing that I would get to come back and see them.  Nicole, the pharmacist, stopped by to wish me well and I asked how long I would need to keep the port in. She said that Doc Esther usually kept them in patients for a few months....even up to a year.  She is a new mom and the conversation easily moved to photography and my all time favorite ~ Shutterfly.  I am still planning on creating a piece for display at the center. 

Once the chemo was done, I collected my things and gave hugs to Regina and she led me to the scheduling desk for the port flushing.  I got it for Jan 15 when I come in for my follow-up with Doc.  Karen found me and gave me good-bye hugs as well.  She is special to me. 

My sister will also have these amazing angels to care for her

I decided to go across the hall to find the other nurses and say my good-byes.  Doc Esther was there on the computer and she watched all the exchanges.

Then she said, "Why don't you go see Kim and have her schedule to get the port removed."

"Really!?" I was shocked.  "Really!?" I said a little louder.

"Yes," she said. "I don't want to have to write out any more work orders for you."

Happy Dance!  Laughter! Delightful squeals!

 

So, I made my way down the hall and Kim scheduled it for next Thursday, 20th. Naturally, I turned right around and went back to the chemo scheduling desk to cancel the flushing.  Wow, what a turn of events.

 

As I was driving to work, I was trying to wrap my brain around everything that had just occurred over the past 2 hours.  With the clear results of my one year mammogram/ultrasound , I realized

 

I'm no longer a cancer patient

 

I am a cancer survivor!

 

 

I am one of God's miracles!

 

 

 

 





Herceptin #16

Guess what I forgot to do? Put numbing cream on my port! Geez, I did that one other time and swore that I would never forget to do that again!  Oh well .... chemo brain.  Nurse Karen is an expert and I dealt with it easily.  After the numerous tests and pokes this past year, what's a little pinch in the arm?

The parking lot was bare as the only ones in the building were the chemo nurses.  I felt bad that they didn't have the day after Thanksgiving off like most folks.  Bless them!

Today was my next-to-the-last-one Herceptin drip.  Yay!!

December 19 is my "annual" mammogram (NOT looking forward to this)
December 21 is my follow-up with the surgeon

Nurse wants me to follow up the Doc about the pain behind my knee and the pea-size bump I feel.  Plus, the intense pain in the lymph node sections in both my underarms/breast.  I will take care of that Monday.

Christie had a hard time Thanksgiving day.  When I spoke to her today, she said that she is feeling better.  Her nausea meds might need to be changed if it has taken this long to feel better. 

Isn't she pretty?!

Herceptin #15

Update #15 not #9 (chemo brain)

Today was my 15th Herceptin drip.  Targetting those HER2 proteins! Zap ~

 

I have 2 more to go!

Day after Thanksgiving and 2 days after my sister's birthday in December. 

I asked Nurse Karen what happens next?  I don't see the oncologist until January.  She said that I will receive a phone call to set up an "overview" appointment.  They will review everything that has occurred since the beginning of my journey.  I will still need tests here and there. And still need checkups with my oncologist.  Still monitoring the "5 year pill".

So, still not quite over

I couldn't have done it without the encouraging words and prayers received from so many people in my life.  Even people I don't even know.  It's that positive energy that has gotten me through some of the rough times and bad days.

It's natural to think about death while going through something so intense as cancer.  It's crazy even to say those words .... "I have cancer".  You HAVE to go through it to get to the OTHER side.  Hopefully, in one piece.  Much wiser, much more humble, full of grace and compassion for others.

The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?

Psalm 27:1

Today's Herceptin

This morning was my Herceptin (every 3 weeks).  Nurse Traci took care of me today.  I will miss these angels when my treatments are done. Traci mentioned a new chemo that is taken with Herceptin called Perjeta.  As with all drugs, this has some dozy side effects.

I've missed some work this week as I was overly-fatigued and then yesterday I thought I caught a germ.  Today, I made it to work after chemo and just getting through the day.

Definitely glad it is Friday!

Blessings to you and yours ~

Update on Bone Density Test

Today, I received a call from the oncologist office requesting to see me next week. 

"Oh...why?"
"We received your bone density test and she wants to discuss it with you," she said.
"Is it bad?" I asked.
"No, just early detection of bone loss."

I know better than to ask more specific questions of the staff, as they are "not supposed to" answer medical diagnosis.

Since I have my Herceptin drip next Thursday 9/20, I made it for right after.  It will be a long morning as I'm sure I was squeezed into the schedule book. 

Forgot to mention that they did my height measurement for the test as well and all this time I thought I was 5'5" .... that has now changed to 5' 4-1/2" !!

Nothing to panic about

I'm as cool as a cucumber ~

On day two of wearing a Pedometer ~ the overall goal is to walk 10,000 steps a day (at least that is what we all SHOULD do).  I set my for 5,000 as I know I will need to gradually get into this.

I wheel my office chair to the printer

Day one: 2547 strides (started tracking late in the morning)
Day two: 5027 strides (took it off once I settled in at home and have the laptop on my lap)

Sis and I walked a bit around her beautiful neighborhood today.  First, we took mom out to dinner....

Baby steps ~

************
Came across this video of one of my favorite songs.  In a place called Kumarakom by a local potter

Echo & Bone Density Tests

Early Monday morning, I arrived for my echo.  This is done to monitor my heart while on Herceptin.  (search Herceptin for other posts).  The technician was the same one I had in May and we picked up where we left off....she seemed to remember me from last time.  And I remember her and asked for updates in specific areas of her life.

After I left, I gave her a hope bracelet to wear ~

Then, I made my way downstairs for the bone density tests.  That was VERY easy compared to everything I have been through! 

I didn't have to take my clothes off ~

Chris was right in that you should use the same machine that you start with for future bone density tests.  They are unable to load data from one machine to a different machine and therefore, cannot compare the info.  (I think I got that right)

My doctor should receive my results for both tests in about 48 hours.
I don't anticipate any negative results.

I'll keep you posted.

Herception #12

Cuddled up with my soft blanket Jane made .... It's perfect for chemo treatment as the room is SO cold, even the waiting room is cold.  Today, I had Nurse Regina tend to me.  I feel "calm" in the familiar setting of the treatment clinic.  They take their duties seriously, yet they can tease one another. (I'm sure in their intense day, it relieves the stress). Watching them collect all the syringes, platex gloves, IV bags, etc ... the usual devices for taking vitals ... the laptops on their rolling table to go from patient to patient .... not to mention the chatter from nurse to nurse as they verify numbers and patient information for one another.  The chemo drug is based on patient's weight and other factors, and they whip out their calculators to figure out the cocktail.  The pharmacist makes the batch specially made for the individual.   That process gives me peace.

Herceptin ~ the estrogen blocker

I asked to talk to the pharmacist, Nicole and she popped over to answer the questions that I had regarding Anastrozole, the pill I have to take for 5 years.  By the way, she mentioned how some patients stop taking the pill after 3 years or even a few weeks.

Don't stop

She said that science shows that it should be taken for "at least" 5 years, if not longer.  I'll take her word for it.  I really, really, don't want to go through this again and if it helps, I'm doing it.

I shared with her the article I found and the side effect page.  She said that the news media can hype things to the extreme, so to not get overly stressed about the information.  It is a good idea to exercise and to make healthy food choices, but hormones that might be in meat products are not enough to cause the cancer to reoccur .... hmmmm.  The side effect page lists ALL possible side effects, but not all of them may come into play.  The most prevalent will be the sore joints and muscles and loss of hand grip.  If I do have problems with Anastrozole, I should call the doctor as there are other "sister" drugs that can be tried.  She told me to get supplemental calcium and Vitamin D.  And I am currently doing that ~

Just bringing my brain and emotions full circle.  You might not like to hear it but, 'none of us are getting out of here alive.' So, deal with it (at least that is what I'm telling myself) by ways that are important to you.

• Change the things that I can change
• Live your life to the fullest (wish I would have done that a long time ago)
• Prioritize ~ what is important?
• Oh my gosh, I really do need to declutter.  It is out of control, which makes me feel out of control
• Make that bucket list and actually check things off that list

There is HOPE for each day.

I was recently reminded of Paul, when he was in prison.  And even though his surroundings were unbearable, he had JOY deep in his heart.  I sense that as the ultimate calm. There are many times that I feel this as well.  Sorry you see the other side of me at times ~ you get to be on my roller coaster ride of emotions .... well, I'm an imperfect human.... But one that is full of HOPE. 

My hope is not for myself, say like in a cure for my body. A hope that is so much more than that.   Sadly, many get their happiness only from those things around them in their circle of circumstances.  But once those circumstances changes to illness, or loss or (fill in the blank), our happiness disappears. 

We yearn for peace ... and such is the peace Jesus promises to all who trust in Him.

I am with you always,

even to the end of the age.

Matthew 28:20

 

 

This is the hope,

This is the joy,

This is the peace that passes all understanding

 

It is only through God's grace and His mercy

that we can behold these blessings!



The 5 Year Pill

I'm scared. Simple truth.

Today was my follow-up appointment with Doc Esther.  During my exam, I pointed to the areas where I'm having pain .... and not all the pain is located in my affected breast, there is pain in my "good" side. 

1) Time for my echo (due to the Herceptin)
2) Prescribed Anastrozole which has horrible side effects and patient reviews
3) Ordered a bone density screening to get that base line

The 5 year pill is suppose to start after radiation is done.  My last radiation blast was July18 .... it is now Aug 27, hmmmmm

Once I got home and searched on webmd, I'm starting to come up with questions .... like:

"This medication is used to treat breast cancer in women who have gone through "the change of life" (menopause). Anastrozole works by lowering estrogen hormone levels to help shrink tumors and slow their growth"

• I thought my surgeon removed the tumor ....

"Tell your doctor immediately if any of these unlikely but serious side effects occur: mental/mood changes (e.g., depression), numbness/tingling/ swelling of the hands or feet, persistent cough, unusual vaginal discharge/burning/ itching/odor, unusually stiff muscles, pain/redness/swelling of the arms or legs, vision changes, bone pain, bone fracture, signs of infection (e.g., fever, chills, persistent sore throat)."

• I'm already on depression medicine
• I still have neuropathy
• My bones (back) HURT so bad already

"Seek immediate medical attention if any of these rare but very serious side effects occur: chest pain, jaw/left arm pain, trouble breathing, confusion, fainting, slurred speech, weakness on one side of the body.
A very serious allergic reaction to this drug is unlikely, but seek immediate medical attention if it occurs. Symptoms of a serious allergic reaction may include: rash, itching/swelling (especially of the face/tongue/throat), severe dizziness, trouble breathing."

• The heart is already taking a beating on Herceptin (no pun intended)

"Constipation, diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, upset stomach, loss of appetite, body aches and pains, breast swelling/tenderness/pain, headache, dry mouth, scratchy throat, increased cough, dizziness, trouble sleeping, tiredness/weakness, flushing and sweating (hot flashes/hot flushes), vaginal bleeding, hair thinning, and weight change can occur. Changes in diet such as eating several small meals may help lessen the chance of nausea and vomiting. If any of these effects persist or worsen, notify your doctor or pharmacist promptly."

• Oh, the fun never stops!

Can anybody tell me their experience on the drug?  I read the Reviews and I must say, frightening.

Plus, like Jennifer said, getting serious about food intake and exercise has got to be top priority.  (sis, help me!)

Schedule:

This Thursday, my Herceptin chemo.
Sept 10 - Echo and Bone Density screening

Ok, I need to go re-direct my brain for awhile.

Peace Out ~

I've Come A Long Way

This morning I reported to the center for my Herceptin IV.  I walked into the waiting room full of people who just stared at me.  Probably wondering what my story was .... as is human nature.  Some looked like "newbies"~ a look of fear, apprehension, with a slice of denial.  Today, it really hit me...how far I've come. 

I didn't think I would make it out of cocktail hour

Chemo sucks



Nurse Karen attended to me again.  I also got to say hi to Nurse Tracy and Nurse Dawn.  They all commented on my hair and how well I was looking.  (maybe my new glasses are making a difference).  They take such good care of all the patients with a pleasant bed side manner and compassion.  I know that I'm in good hands. 

I asked when I should be getting another Echo for my heart (done for patients on Herceptin).  My last one was January 10 .... wonder if it is time.  Karen is getting a message to my doc and I'll remind her at my next appointment.

April was when I finished cocktail hour and it is now August.  A lot has happened in the last 4 months.  I am so very thankful for the words of encouragement, the prayers, the patience of those around me, of God's mercy and love. 

I have received 3 wonderful cards with 3 beautiful angels in them from http://www.smilingstitches.com/secretangelstitchers.html

Not sure how I got on their mailing list, but I am very grateful for their gifts and words of encouragement.  I will be sharing more on my blog about them when I get back home.

Tomorrow is Vacation!

Catching the plane to Colorado

I've made my piles to pack in the suitcase and we have made arrangements for our pets. We are definitely ready for some gorgeous blue sky, majestic mountains, a slower pace, meeting new friends and of course many hugs from my daughter.

Taking my laptop

Will keep in touch!





Last time I was there, I had hair!

The Last Glow

As I say goodnight to my co-workers each day, I say "leaving to get my glow on."  And the doctor confirmed today that this is my last one. 

Relief

It was bittersweet saying good-bye to the techs, to the nurse, to the cleaning woman and even to the valet attendants.  Their familiar faces, their smiles and the chit-chat we shared over the last 6 weeks....I am grateful for them.

They gave me my mesh, which I'll take a picture of it and add it to this post in a few days. 

The nurse took me back to see Dr R and gave me discharge instructions.

Wow, DISCHARGE instructions!

Music to my ears ~

• Fatigue - pace yourself and get 8 hours of sleep each night
• Pain at sites being treated - take pain medicine as directed
• Skin reaction - continue using ointment given to you until your skin heals. Avoid sun exposure without sunscreen. If sun exposure, use sunscreen with SPF 30 or higher.
• Hair loss at treated site only
• And then the standard watch-outs, i.e. bowel changes, cough, nausea, headaches, etc

Then Dr R comes in and confirms .... it is the LAST radiation session.

He said to avoid sun exposure without sunscreen for the rest of my life.  It will always be that way. 

Good thing I don't frequent the nudist camp anymore.

He said that the hair follicles under my arm may prevent hair growth. No shaving?....

Cool! We should have treated the other side as well. 

He said that the radiation is still working inside of me and that the side effects will get worse over the next 2 weeks.  He prescribed a different cream along with 2 over the counter creams to try.

It feels like someone cut my nipple off with rusty scissors

Was that too graphic? Sorry ~

We discussed some of the difficulties of laying in the prone position (face down) and some possible solutions.  Hopefully, I helped in some small way.

I am scheduled for a follow-up in six weeks.  I can't tell you how relieved I am that this part is over. 

This Friday, Herceptin

Thanks for walking with me thru this part of the journey ~

Peace Be with You



Radiation & Chemo

Friday June 29

8:00 am - My recliner chair awaits. Today, I had Nurse Karen.  I mentioned that I didn't remember seeing her before and she said she remembered me and that she has been doing this for 24 years.  (wow, memory really is shot).  She took my vitals (BP 143/92).  Once the Herceptin drip was set up, I leaned back with my blanket that Jane made and another one that was heated .... ahhhhhh. Karen gave me a glass of orange juice and pillows. 

I'm spoiled

I hit twilight for the hour.  It was nice to just relax.  I feel as if I'm on the go all the time. Work, treatments, this-n-that.

Made it to work around 9:30.  Two of my co-worker's birthdays and a pot luck today.  Friday!!

4:00 pm - Left for radiation treatment.  I had a few messages on my phone. First one said to not report to radation today unless I hear back from them.  Second one, come on in.  Once I got there, the tech showed me the piece on the equipment that had broke.  So that was the problem..... hmmm, glad it was fixed. 

Round 20 = 4 weeks

Some how, the days seem to be flying by.  In other ways, it seems like I have been doing this for way too long.  Time is a funny thing.

My eyebrows are just about totally back.  They were the last hairs that I lost and the first hairs to grow back.  My head is full of soft fuzz.  My finger nails are growing, but 3 of them broke clear down (ouch).  Still not totally healthy looking, but they are getting there. 

I'm so grateful for the care that I'm receiving.  There are so many that are involved in my treatment and in saving my life.  None of this can be taken for granted.  Even though Herceptin still has unanswered questions, I'm glad that it is available.

Saturday June 30

Christie, mom & I went to Bob Evans for breakfast.  It was tough trying to get my butt out of bed, but I'm thankful to get to visit with them and have a wonderful meal.  Afterwards, I took a nap .... 3 hours!  Oh boy, hope I sleep tonight :)

Peace be with you ~

In the clouds - Blue Ridge Mountains



Remission

Today is Wednesday ~ I see the radiation doctor every Wednesday.

I mentioned that I have been getting headaches daily for a couple of weeks and told him about the incident that happened Saturday.  I thought it could be my blood pressure.  I've been on my B.P. medication for at least 3 years now.  If anything, I can at least contact my family doctor and get checked out, or at least buy a pressure cup for home and monitor it.  He wants to do an MRI instead.

Just to make sure

I haven't considered that before (and I'm not even going to speak it out loud).

My blood pressure (taken from ankle vs arm):

Jun 20    159/95

Jun 8      146/85

May 22   138/74

May 7     128/78

Apr 27    140/69

So I mentioned, what about my vision changing and the need for new glasses? 

He said that could be it as well .... or possibly stress.  Let's do the MRI

Just to make sure

Okay, let's talk about that then. 

Once the radiation is done,

how do you know all the cancer is gone? 

He said that "we don't".  There is no blood test that will confirm it is gone. Just monitoring me on a regular basis and running various "scans" (mammogram, ultrasound, c-scan, mri).  It is all based on statistics and patients before me as oncology is researched year after year. 

My nodes were tested and clear of cancer.  They also got "clear margins" when the lump of cancer was removed.  That is all good news.  He said I was actually in remission after surgery.  Hmmmm, I didn't realize that.

I haven't asked that question before.  Now, the question is foremost in my mind ~

Just to make sure

That word caught my attention .... remission.  He said that patients have told him what it was like after going into remission and how it felt like a dagger was hanging just over their head waiting for it to fall.  And after year one, year two, etc the feeling slowly lessened as remission continued. 

That is something cancer patients are always going to have. Fear of it coming back.  I know a lady who has had it FIVE times.  How do you cope with that?

Constant fear cannot control your life

These headaches? I probably need new glasses or it could be stress .....or it could be side effect from the Herceptin.  I could be part of the very few who might have side effects such as:



Well, I will wait on the MRI .... Just to make sure



Clinical Trial & Tattoos

Have I mentioned how tired I am? Do I sound like a broken record?

Yesterday was a long day.

7:40am - Arrived at the clinic for my Herceptin drip.  My appointment was for 8:00, but I thought arriving early to get my blood work done would speed up the process. Wrong ...

7:50am - Approach the receptionist window "do you want me to go ahead and get my blood tests done at the labs"..... "no, you are not scheduled for blood tests this time, besides they don't open until 8:00" 

Note to self - life is full of waiting, just accept it

8:10am - Nurse Tracy (whom I adore) calls me back and I choose a recliner to get started.  Formalities and verifications were completed and I sat back and watched the drip, drip, drip of the IV.  Tracy sat down for a bit and we had a very pleasant chat. 

The nurses are always super busy, so I really appreciated

this one on one time.  It gave me comfort talking woman to woman.

9:15am - Headed to Radiology Oncologist a few buildings down.  Parking was CRAZY.  Signed in and headed for the coffee machine. By the time I was stirring, the nurse called me in.

Here is where I lost track of time. 

The original doctor I consulted with months ago retired.  So, I met Dr. R and we discussed my status so far and treatment plans.  The subject of the clinical trial came up and we discussed it in great lengths.  As long as I'm eligible and my tests come back okay, I'll do it.

After the breast exam, he mentioned that they have a new machine where the patient lays on her stomach instead of her back. He said "since your breasts are so generous, there would be less potential of damage to the lungs."

I just about peed myself

Next thing I know, the Radiologist technician came in to escort me to the dressing room and then to the MRI room.  The plan was to make a mold of my back so I would stay in the same position during the radiation blasts. 

Four men in the room to accomplish this task

By this time in the journey, I have no issues with shyness.  I don't like it, but hell if I care by now.  Dr R used sticky guides to outline the area on my right breast. 

Then, I had to lay on my stomach. Forehead and chin resting on guards, arms extended over my head.  The longer I laid there, the more my right arm became shaky.  My left breast was squished (ouch!) and my right one hung down to be photographed.  The technician said that the mesh is soaked in hot water and they have only a few seconds to place it on my back and shape it.  He warned me a few times that it would be hot .... and it was. 

I asked if my scarf was going to get wet and he said yes.  So, I took it off.

Mrs. Lex Luther

The MRI machine began to move

During this time, my eyes were closed. I tried to steady my breathing so I wouldn't move or hyperventilate.  I'm claustrophobic. I tried not to think about my arm giving out. Just hanging on to what strength I had left to hold myself up.

I wanted to sing a worship song in my head, but couldn't find the words.

Only one word came to mind and I said it over and over and over.

Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.

He calmed me instantly and then the machine stopped.

After they removed the mold, 3 separate needle pricks marked my "tattoos" on my back. The first one stung, but then my mind tuned it out and the other 2 were not as bad.

Now, imagine trying to "lady-like" get up from a stomach position topless. It must have been a sight!  I made my adjustments, put my scarf back on and was escorted back to the dressing room.

I will receive a phone call by the end of next week for the next steps.

Noon - I made it to work. 

2:00pm - I could barely keep my eyes open so I made arrangements to make up my hours today (4 hours).

I drove home and fell asleep.

Quick Update

I'm in my 2nd full week of work and TIRED.  Last night I went to bed at 8:30. I'm working longer hours to make up time for doctor appointments, chemo and tests. 

Tomorrow is my Herceptin drip (30 min, every 3 weeks). After that, I head over to the Radiologist to find out when my treatments will start.  I've talked to those involved in the clinical trial and it turns out that I may not qualify because of pre-existing conditions on the list.  I will know for sure tomorrow.

My prayers are with Jane right now.  The tumor removed was the size of a small watermelon attached to ovaries and other organs.  May the Lord hold you tightly ~

Follow Up after Chemo #4

Early Spring Flowers poppin thru

This morning was my follow-up with Dr Esther.  It was a tad frustrating as it took an hour to get from the front waiting room to the back.  It took 2-1/2 hours for everything and to get back to work.

Regardless, my blood pressure was 126/78 .... I lost 6 lbs.  I know I'm not suppose to loose weight now, but I can tell you that I'm not complaining about getting some of this chunk-a-dunka-ness off me.  They seemed satisfied with my blood count, took notice of my nose bleeds, did a breast exam and sent me off with some encouragement and hugs.

Q: When will my radiation begin?
A: Three weeks after my last treatment (estimate May 17)

Q: When will my Herceptin (only) begin?
A: I will have 11 more sessions after this chemo round, which will total 17. It will continue on the same schedule as now, every 3 weeks.  Basically, no break in treatment. (estimate Dec 13)

Q: Do I have to have another blood transfusion?
A: Not this time, count looks good. :)

Q: Do I have to continue the Neulasta shot?
A: Yep :(

Q: How is my prognosis?
A: "I plan to fire you in 5 years" says Doc with a hug. "I'm going to make sure you will be just fine."


Got to work about 11:00.  Made it through 5:45! Debbie gave me another set of "ear-bobs" as Grandma Pearl called them....pretty dangly earrings shaped as a flower.  Along with her fabulous Congratulations! Another round behind you! She has been so sweet giving me a gift after each chemo session.  I'm looking forward to the last set, as she let it slip what they are!!!!

This is going to be a good week.  Feeling stronger. Got some "plans of attack" in life.  Looking forward to Easter Sunday service.

Blessings to you ~

Follow-up from Chemo #3

Matt took me to Doc Esther this morning.  I had it in my mind that if she couldn't tell me if the chemo was working, then I was done.  I'm weak and just not really feeling like doing this anymore.  After they took my blood, I sat and waited ... lost in thought.  A few times, the tears flowed of everything that has happened over the past few months.  Then, I began to think about the women I know whose stages are more advanced than mine.  How much more they are going through and I had absolutely no right to sit there and whine.  I'm just tired. No, it's more than just tired ... fatigued.  Not quite right either ... what is a word that can describe being absolutely exhausted?

To her credit, she didn't try to sugar-coat it.  She gave me her full attention and listened.  Because we are not shrinking a tumor, she can not give me the answer to "is the treatment working".  She can only tell me that based on my HER2 protein that statistics say that what treatment I'm getting now can help prevent it from coming back.  Hmmmm, not quite the reassurance I needed to make a decision.  Then, back to the women I have in my mind and in my heart....and back to my daughters and my husband and my family.... ok, I'll stick with it.....

Doc said that there may be a time before all this is over too when I won't be able to go back to work for awhile.  Reduced hours still might be too much.  Ok, looks like I will have to cross that road when I get there.  I reminded her that I'm the only paycheck in the house right now.  She understood.  I was also denied my cancer policy because it became effective Jan 1 and I was diagnosed Dec 7.  She said she would help me appeal it (although I don't know how to change their minds).  Do you?

The blood counts came back and she liked the numbers.  So, the Neulasta is working.  She said that I'm a tad dehydrated, but not bad enough for fluid IV.  (that's good) Doc also told me to eat more junk food (now what doctor would tell you that?) Guess I dropped a few pounds.  She said junk food tastes good and it has calories. ahhhhhh

I asked her again the details for the rest of my treatments.  She is going to adjust next week's chemo .... last chemo should be end of April.  Then 6 weeks of daily radiation.  Then 11 treatments of Herceptin.  Basically, treatments for the remainder of 2012.

What a year ~

Tomorrow, it is my plan to make it to work.  I'm praying for the courage and the strength.

Patchwork of life