Happy New Year!

While the rest of the world celebrates New Year's Eve, my husband and I will be celebrating our wedding anniversary.  This year is definitely more special, as our gift to each other is my life. 

So today represents the end of a difficult year, but a year that has been full of blessings.

It represents a deep love of husband and wife.  We are still as mushy, romantic as ever .... he still opens the car door for me.
 
And, the fact that I'm a cancer survivor.  I am still wrapping my brain around that one.  The anvil is still over my head and it will probably take time for that feeling to subside.

I don't think that my life will now be a bed of roses, but I sure have learned a lot about myself and the people that are in my circle.  Most of all, I have learned so much about what faith really means in our broken world. 

Last year, I had made a new year's resolution of de-cluttering.  Thanks to my daughter and husband, they were key in making this happen.  Now, it seems that I want a more substantial proclamation.  I have been praying about it and I'm close to putting it into words.

Until then, my friends, may this day be safe, happy, fun, light-hearted, loving, inspired, and may you find many blessings in the new year to come!

Celebrating the Holidays Despite a Cancer Diagnosis

It is my pleasure to post this message

from a husband and wife who wanted to share

their experience with you ~

By: Cameron Von St James

My wife gave birth to our only child, Lily, in August of 2005. We were already looking forward to the joy that the winter holidays would bring. I have always looked forward to the opportunity to spend the holidays celebrating with the ones I love. I have always been thankful for being blessed with so many amazing people in my life. Heather and I had already started talking about the holiday traditions we wanted to pass on to our little one, and the new ones we would start as a family.

Unfortunately, our holiday spirit and excitement were stamped out just three days before Thanksgiving, when Heather was diagnosed with cancer. Our daughter was less than four months old at the time of the diagnosis. We learned that Heather had malignant pleural mesothelioma, and in an instant our focus shifted from turkey and holiday shopping to fighting a rare and very deadly form of cancer.

I was filled with anger and fear after the diagnosis. Everything that had seemed so positive, everything I seemed so sure about disappeared in an instant. I tried my best to remain positive and hopeful, but my mind went straight to fearing for the worst. I had thoughts of losing my wife and growing old as a single father. I felt that I had little to be thankful for that year.

Despite the horrible news, we did have a Thanksgiving and Christmas celebration with my wife’s family. The family discussed all the ways they would support us in this trying time.  I had been dreading this discussion for days.  We talked about money and childcare. Heather and I had previously both been working, but we were now reduced to living on my income alone, and the diagnosis brought with it a wealth of unexpected expenses that we were not equipped to handle.  Heather’s parents went through our finances with us and helped us figure out what we could liquidate to stay afloat, as well as what they could afford to help us pay for.  I was mortified and embarrassed, and once again I felt that I had nothing to be thankful for. It would be years before I could look back on that day with anything but shame.

Now, however, I can see how very mistaken I was to look at it that way.  Looking back, I can see how truly blessed we were to have such a strong and loving family supporting us through our tough time.  My pride and my fear blinded me to that at the time, but now I can see how very much I had to be thankful for that season.

This holiday season, I will not let go of that memory of our family gathered around, communicating and helping each other. I will keep in mind everything that I have to be thankful for. I have more than many people will ever have; I am surrounded by kindness, love and good friends. Lily is healthy and as usual, this year will revolve around surrounding her with fun holiday traditions.

In the end, with the love and support of our incredible community of friends and family, Heather beat her mesothelioma. She beat all the odds stacked against her, and we have celebrated numerous holidays together since her diagnoses. We are looking forward to many more together in the future.  We hope that our story of success can help all those currently fighting cancer find something in their lives to be thankful for this holiday season.

Husband of Mesothelioma Survivor Heather Von St. James
Read more:  
http://www.mesothelioma.com/blog/authors/cameron/

Christmas Eve

 

Christmas Eve ~ a special night

Candlelight service at 8pm with special music, sermon and communion.

The reason for the season

Sunday service was special as the children and choir presented a Christmas play.  They did a fabulous, fabulous job.  I wish we can do an encore!

Here is a picture of the manger (none of the children, not on public web)

 

May this Christmas bring blessings and deep peace to you and yours!

Prayer

I created a form on my blog for folks who would like me to pray for them. 

 

I'm a prayer warrior!

If you would like me to pray for you, just click on the image on my side bar, or you can click on the praying hands below.

Once you click on the praying hands, it brings up this form:

Your message comes directly to my e-mail.  Your request is private and I do not put it on my blog, or facebook etc.  I ask for your e-mail so I can type out my prayer and send it directly to you. 

For me, prayer is powerful. Prayer is a way to talk to our Father and to bring our praise, our worship and our burdens to Him.

I received so many prayers from others and would be honored to do the same for you.

And I do it in Jesus' name ~

Day after Port Removal

Well, guess I will get back on that Coumadin until I see doc Jan 15.

Ouch!

One Year Anniversary

Dec 20, 2011 was my lumpectomy surgery. It almost feels like a lifetime ago. It is hard to wrap my brain around surgery, 6 rounds of chemo, 33 days of radiation and 17 IVdrips of Herceptin.

Not to mention 3 MRIs, 3 ultrasounds, 1 bone density screening, 2 blood transfusions, 2 echos, hospitalization due to multiple blood clots, followup appointments and just to throw into the mix, a neurologist specialist.

At 8:00am, I was scheduled for my port removal.  The doctor was the same one that had put the port in my arm last January 5.  I had an added bonus of dissolvable stitches, so I won't have to go back and have them pulled and cut out.  The doctor asked if I felt a sharp pain and I said yes ... so she gave a little bit more numbing on the area.  The only other person in the room was a nurse.  The doctor held a conversation with me as she worked and had several questions.  It was a good distraction.

"How did your life change after going through cancer treatment?" she asked.

I have been asked that before.  "I have grown closer to God."

She nodded. "I have heard that before many times from patients."

I explained that my faith has always been strong, but now I got to experience "the peace that passes all understanding" as in

Philippians 4:7

New King James Version (NKJV)

⁷ and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gentle, deep peace wraps around my whole being and removes any anxiety and worry I held on to all my life.  This peace cannot be explained by mere words, it can only be experienced.

 

Once the port was finally removed, doc stitched me up with dissolvable stitches.  So glad I don't have to go back to get them removed.  No bruising yet. Do you remember the last bruise when it was put in? Oh, yeah, and the "multiple" blood clots it created.

 

 

 

After the procedure, I went back to the lobby waiting room.  This is also the day my mom is getting her kidney biopsied.  I waited for my brother in law to bring her.  The place was getting busy since my early morning appointment.  Filling up with patients, wheelchairs, canes....

 

This broken world filled with broken bodies. 

 

How many with broken spirits?

An Insurance Perk

Saturday, Christie & I went to Elegant Essentials.  What a beautiful shop and gracious staff.  Please check with your insurance carrier on what benefits you may receive when facing breast cancer.  My insurance pays for 6 bras per year.  If you happen to chose one that has more frills than what the insurance company deems necessary, then you pay a portion.  So, I received 5 great fitting bras for free (because I met my deductible) and then paid 50% of the cost for the 6th one.

 

Did I mention 6 per year for life!

 

 

Christmas Flash Mob

In South Bay Galleria (So Cal) – a Christmas flash mob, be sure to watch it to the end the final minute is the best!
 
TAKE THE TIME TO WATCH THIS – IT SAYS IT ALL.
 
THIS IS REALLY WHAT CHRISTMAS IS ABOUT.
 
GOD BLESS US ALL!
 
Click here

Herceptin #17 and The Last One!

Friday, December 14 was my 17th Herceptin drip.  8:00am, I arrived at the clinic and all its familiarity.  The white tree that sits elegantly next to the receptionist window was decorated with beautiful Christmas ornaments.  They have ornaments for each holiday or season .... Easter, St Patrick's day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Independence Day, etc... In the past 12 months, I have never seen it removed from the room or undecorated. 

I scanned my patient card and settled in my chair.  I decided to stop for coffee before coming in and SO glad I did.  This was the first time I actually made time to do so.  I pulled out my electronic Yahtzee game and watched as the nurses arrived to begin their work day. I wondered if they really knew how special they are to so many of "us". 

Nurse Regina took care of me today.  Nurse Karen was the other one on site and in the same chemo room.  On the other side of the hallway, it was Nurses Tracy, Dawn and Bev. 

All my angels

It was smooth sailing and the nurses reminded me that I will need to get my port flushed every 4-6 weeks.  It is hard to explain, but it gave me comfort knowing that I would get to come back and see them.  Nicole, the pharmacist, stopped by to wish me well and I asked how long I would need to keep the port in. She said that Doc Esther usually kept them in patients for a few months....even up to a year.  She is a new mom and the conversation easily moved to photography and my all time favorite ~ Shutterfly.  I am still planning on creating a piece for display at the center. 

Once the chemo was done, I collected my things and gave hugs to Regina and she led me to the scheduling desk for the port flushing.  I got it for Jan 15 when I come in for my follow-up with Doc.  Karen found me and gave me good-bye hugs as well.  She is special to me. 

My sister will also have these amazing angels to care for her

I decided to go across the hall to find the other nurses and say my good-byes.  Doc Esther was there on the computer and she watched all the exchanges.

Then she said, "Why don't you go see Kim and have her schedule to get the port removed."

"Really!?" I was shocked.  "Really!?" I said a little louder.

"Yes," she said. "I don't want to have to write out any more work orders for you."

Happy Dance!  Laughter! Delightful squeals!

 

So, I made my way down the hall and Kim scheduled it for next Thursday, 20th. Naturally, I turned right around and went back to the chemo scheduling desk to cancel the flushing.  Wow, what a turn of events.

 

As I was driving to work, I was trying to wrap my brain around everything that had just occurred over the past 2 hours.  With the clear results of my one year mammogram/ultrasound , I realized

 

I'm no longer a cancer patient

 

I am a cancer survivor!

 

 

I am one of God's miracles!

 

 

 

 





The Children are Precious

In light of those whose lives shattered in an instant today, I am putting my news on hold for now.

As the water pushes powerfully thru debris

May our prayers push their way thru any obstacle

and reach directly to Heaven

 

The little children who now sits on the lap of Jesus

will never cry again

will never hurt again

 

and will live in the purest light of love

as they wait patiently to see us again

 

May the parents, families and friends

seek God's face

feel His arms around their shoulders

and His comfort deep inside their hearts

 

May we remember them in our prayers

and lift them up in a community of

love and understanding

today and every day

Amen

 

 



Physical Therapy

After work today, I went for my first physical therapy visit.  Hopefully, gently working and stretching will help get the kinks out and return my range of motion and strength.  I will be going every Tuesday & Thursday for at least 4-6 weeks.  I'm really excited about getting to this next step in my journey.

I want my strength back!

I don't want to be so fatigued anymore!

Haven't a clue

Not much to tell this past week.  After Tuesday, my body felt like it had been slammed by a mac truck.  Amazing how stress can mess with the body.  I'm still getting use to taking Arimidex  My blood pressure, headaches and pain got the best of me and I left work early on Thursday and slept through it.  Saturday, I slept a lot too.

I'm hoping that physical therapy will help me get my body moving again. My first visit is Dec 11.

Lots of anniversaries this time of year.  What date do you use?  The day of the mammogram? Day of the biopsy? Day of the diagnosis? Day of the surgery?  What constitutes the one year anniversary of cancer? 

Haven't a clue.

Christmas is around the corner and I haven't begun shopping or writing greeting cards. Christmas is so different without little ones.  As the years have come and gone, the meaning of Christmas has deepened for me and I surround myself with Christian music and listen to the radio programs that I love.

Wishing you all the joys

of this beautiful and peaceful season.

 

 

 

 

Follow Up with Surgeon

This morning I woke up to a migraine ... haven't had one of those in years. They always affect my vision and I knew that I would have problems driving to my appointment.  Matt was ready to take me, but by the time I was to leave, my vision returned.

I arrived at the Breast Center with the feeling of deja vu, I was doing this one year ago.  I wanted to sit with every patient in there and hold their hand. I remembered the anxiety and fear and disbelief.

The nurse updated my information and my blood pressure was 151/111. Kinda high ~

I met with Dr Partin first and she is just so thorough.  A very sweet lady.  She asked me what plans I had to celebrate my last chemo (Dec 14).  I really haven't thought about that. 

The thick tissue at my surgery site is scar tissue.  It should be watched for any time of growth.  She explained that since some of my lymph nodes were removed, my system has been interrupted and this could be why I'm not feeling 100%. The pain in my unaffected breast needs to be checked.  She also wants me to try tailored bras at:

I agree. Time to find something else.  She also asked if I had Fibromyalgia.  Nope.  She is sending me to physical therapy as my range of motion isn't far enough along.  They set me up for Dec 11.  After physical therapy is done, I plan to then go to a gym to continue building my strength.  I am weighing the most I've ever weighed in my life. Time to get these pounds off.

So, down the same hallways I had been through before for the diagnostic mammogram.  It HURT, but I've been through worse.  The technician told me to take a seat and if there was anything unusual, I would be sent to the ultrasound.  Waiting even 5 minutes gave my brain time to think too much.  It also gave me time to pray and just remember what I have already accomplished so far. 

The nurse came back to take me to the ultrasound.  So, with this, my emotions were raw.  Each place the wand touched and then stayed at was right where the pain was .... Her fingers danced across the key pad taking measurements of the areas she paused at.  It didn't take long and she asked me to wait for the doc to review the ultrasound and come in to give me the results. 

Dr. Davis and two other ladies came in .... 3? It must be bad news ....

"You are all clear on both breasts. Nothing at all to worry about."

The waterworks poured out.  I couldn't help it and I was just so relieved.

She took some time with me as I calmed down.

Thank you Lord Jesus for wrapping your arms around me today.  I felt your presence!

The Anvil

So, I guess this is what my one doc was talking about when he said that most cancer patients feel as if an anvil is hanging above their head waiting to drop .... this was describing all the little bumps, lumps and pain we feel and wondering if the cancer is back.

Guess I will find out tomorrow.

 

In the meantime, I'm giving it to God.

Our Beloved Sister

Missing you, Cathy

May 30, 1968 - December 1, 2007

Homesick - Mercy Me

My poem Until We Meet Again

 

 

John 14

New King James Version (NKJV)

The Way, the Truth, and the Life

 

1 “Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me.

 

2 In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.

 

3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also.

 

4 And where I go you know, and the way you know.”

5 Thomas said to Him, “Lord, we do not know where You are going, and how can we know the way?”

6 Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.

 

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes (a david bowie tune)

Thursday was a milestone for Christie.  Plus it was Casey's last night in Ohio.  So what better way to come together than over a delicious meal.  Christie/Katie and me/Casey met at Bob Evans to hear about Christie's adventure and check out her new look.  It was wonderful to just come together in support for one another.

Katie, Me, Christie, Casey

As we were leaving our table, a woman motioned to Christie and pointed to her own pink ribbon lapel.  (Christie's scarf is certainly a way for folks to recognize a chemo patient)  Her name is Betty and she wanted to give Christie some words of encouragement.  It was certainly a blessing for Christie as she held Betty's hand and they shared with each other their own experience with cancer.  It was an honor for me to witness it, because it just affirmed to me that this journey is certainly a sisterhood.

Christie & Me

My emotions are still all over the place.  It is a mother's delight when we see our children happy and healthy.  Even though I miss Casey, I know that she is exactly where God wants her to be.  Thank goodness for Skype, text, internet and cell phones!

Friday Casey came to work to see some of the people who remember her from when she worked there and to introduce her to other coworkers.  I enjoyed watching my adult child answering the many questions asked of her.  I remember listening to a talk show about how to change your relationship once your children become adults.  It had some really interesting points.  The one I remember the most is "if your friend was going outside, would you say 'you better put your sweater on' ... well, you shouldn't!  and you shouldn't say that to your adult child either."  Food for thought.

Once she left, I prayed over her safety on her flight back to Colorado this afternoon.  (and God honored the prayer)

This week was exhausting and I do believe I'm going to sleep in Saturday!!

Changes to my appointments

My annual mammogram and follow up with my surgeon has been moved up to Dec 4.  Looks like they want to do a diagnostic mammo and ultrasound to check out some pain I've been having.  Also got the all-clear to go to my dentist Dec 4 for my 6 month cleaning.  The coumidin should not be an issue as long as I don't get jabbed by some of those wicked tools they have!



Philippians 4
⁶ Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. ⁷ Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.