Sometimes you have to slow down to really appreciate things. I think this is my all time favorite video so far in my life. Enjoy!
Thanks Sally!
Friday, March 30, 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
The Color Run
Remember how I was just saying where can I find some color to capture in my lens? Well, I had lunch with Marylee and she has been invited to experience The Color Run in June. I am captivated by ALL THE COLOR!
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Creative Juices
This is a "feel good" week finally!
I feel I have the energy to get some things done and I'm leaning towards the area of creativity. For one, I want to revamp my blog, play with different templates and clean it up. My sister is coming over this weekend to bounce ideas.
I am just itching to get out there with my camera. Just trying to think of a place where I can find interesting colors ... interesting subject matter.
I think it would be neat to find a way to display the beautiful encouragement cards I have received over the past several months. I found some great ideas for bulletin boards here.
My side effects have eased up considerably and the fogginess in my head as well.
PS. still got to write many thank you notes, which I plan to do before the weekend is over.
I feel I have the energy to get some things done and I'm leaning towards the area of creativity. For one, I want to revamp my blog, play with different templates and clean it up. My sister is coming over this weekend to bounce ideas.
I am just itching to get out there with my camera. Just trying to think of a place where I can find interesting colors ... interesting subject matter.
 |
| Flowers at Springfield Lake |
I think it would be neat to find a way to display the beautiful encouragement cards I have received over the past several months. I found some great ideas for bulletin boards here.
My side effects have eased up considerably and the fogginess in my head as well.
PS. still got to write many thank you notes, which I plan to do before the weekend is over.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Safer Breast Implant for Women...Research Continuing
New Hope for Breast Cancer Patients that opt for reconstruction thanks to Akron researcher. Watch Video
Posted: 03/27/2012
AKRON, Ohio - A University of Akron researcher, who watched a loved one die from cancer, took charge of the deadly disease in her mind.
She couldn't stop thinking of how to beat it, so no one has to go through what she watched her family suffer from.
After years of working closely with big name cancer experts across the country, she is now developing a safer breast implant for women who opt for reconstruction after a breast cancer diagnosis.
During the process of reconstruction following mastectomy, a new kind of implant could actually fight infection, scarring and even cancer.
She couldn't stop thinking of how to beat it, so no one has to go through what she watched her family suffer from.
After years of working closely with big name cancer experts across the country, she is now developing a safer breast implant for women who opt for reconstruction after a breast cancer diagnosis.
During the process of reconstruction following mastectomy, a new kind of implant could actually fight infection, scarring and even cancer.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Follow Up after Chemo #4
 |
| Early Spring Flowers poppin thru |
Regardless, my blood pressure was 126/78 .... I lost 6 lbs. I know I'm not suppose to loose weight now, but I can tell you that I'm not complaining about getting some of this chunk-a-dunka-ness off me. They seemed satisfied with my blood count, took notice of my nose bleeds, did a breast exam and sent me off with some encouragement and hugs.
Q: When will my radiation begin?
A: Three weeks after my last treatment (estimate May 17)
Q: When will my Herceptin (only) begin?
A: I will have 11 more sessions after this chemo round, which will total 17. It will continue on the same schedule as now, every 3 weeks. Basically, no break in treatment. (estimate Dec 13)
Q: Do I have to have another blood transfusion?
A: Not this time, count looks good. :)
Q: Do I have to continue the Neulasta shot?
A: Yep :(
Q: How is my prognosis?
A: "I plan to fire you in 5 years" says Doc with a hug. "I'm going to make sure you will be just fine."
Got to work about 11:00. Made it through 5:45! Debbie gave me another set of "ear-bobs" as Grandma Pearl called them....pretty dangly earrings shaped as a flower. Along with her fabulous Congratulations! Another round behind you! She has been so sweet giving me a gift after each chemo session. I'm looking forward to the last set, as she let it slip what they are!!!!
This is going to be a good week. Feeling stronger. Got some "plans of attack" in life. Looking forward to Easter Sunday service.
Blessings to you ~
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Bonvoyage
Today, we said farewell to another young adult of the family who is moving to Florida ~ nephew, Shane.
I just want him to be happy, enjoy and experience life. But, I'm telling ya, its these times of losses that will kill me before the cancer does.
We had a nice BBQ at sister's house .... I will miss him greatly.
I just want him to be happy, enjoy and experience life. But, I'm telling ya, its these times of losses that will kill me before the cancer does.
We had a nice BBQ at sister's house .... I will miss him greatly.
Garden Angel... Guardian Angel
Carol,
Look! A garden angel was outside your house. Lucky you. What surprise is waiting for you in the weeks and months to come as summer grows closer?
My sister and her husband (who took the picture and wrote the message), came to my house Saturday and planted some flowers! I have angels all around me!
When she was done, she came in to comfort me. I had been crying all day (remember that depression I said I was over? well....) Oh my gosh, if I could just pull things together!! If I could just stop crying!! It's all stemming from a set of losses in my life.
I'm also realizing that my chemo drug is suppressing my hormones, shot me into menopause, and my emotions are absolutely everywhere. What a mess.... and did I mention the night sweats? How can I relieve them when I'm not suppose to have estrogen therapy? My husband is convinced the cancer came when I started taking Premarin. (which I wrote about earlier)
I'm venting again. Remember, blogging is a way to "get it off your chest". A way to seek help from others. Which, I'm thinking it might be time for me to find a local support group.
Look! A garden angel was outside your house. Lucky you. What surprise is waiting for you in the weeks and months to come as summer grows closer?
My sister and her husband (who took the picture and wrote the message), came to my house Saturday and planted some flowers! I have angels all around me!
When she was done, she came in to comfort me. I had been crying all day (remember that depression I said I was over? well....) Oh my gosh, if I could just pull things together!! If I could just stop crying!! It's all stemming from a set of losses in my life.
I'm also realizing that my chemo drug is suppressing my hormones, shot me into menopause, and my emotions are absolutely everywhere. What a mess.... and did I mention the night sweats? How can I relieve them when I'm not suppose to have estrogen therapy? My husband is convinced the cancer came when I started taking Premarin. (which I wrote about earlier)
I'm venting again. Remember, blogging is a way to "get it off your chest". A way to seek help from others. Which, I'm thinking it might be time for me to find a local support group.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Friday - 1st day back to work
I finally made it to work today and managed 6 hours. I was still so sick and weak and asked Adam to take me home. Feeling incredibly disconnected from everything. I'm sure this feeling will pass at some point.
I'm waiting to Skype with my oldest in Colorado. Missing her to pieces....
Resting on Saturday.
Going away party for my nephew on Sunday.
Then starting all over again on Monday. First stop, oncologist follow up. Hope my numbers are good. Telling her I don't want another blood transfusion. Want to tell her I don't want any more chemo, but I know that isn't going to fly.
Praying for my friend, Marily ... may the birds sing sweetly as you rest.
I'm waiting to Skype with my oldest in Colorado. Missing her to pieces....
 |
| View from her apartment |
Resting on Saturday.
Going away party for my nephew on Sunday.
Then starting all over again on Monday. First stop, oncologist follow up. Hope my numbers are good. Telling her I don't want another blood transfusion. Want to tell her I don't want any more chemo, but I know that isn't going to fly.
Praying for my friend, Marily ... may the birds sing sweetly as you rest.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Be Gentle to Yourself, Mind and Body
A friend of mine wrote: Be gentle to yourself, mind and body. Don’t allow the darkness to come. Like Paul & Silas did, they started to sing praises to the Lord, when they were bound by chains, after being severely beat up and standing in sewage for days on end. Sing to the Lord in your mind and out loud as much as possible. Put your music on and sing with it! It will lift your spirit, and help your body.
So, as I write this, I hooked into my favorite radio station and it does lift my spirit, body and soul.
With the help of my cane, I'm getting from room to room. Spent a lot of time on the front porch watching the birds come to life in the early spring. My lilac bush started to sprout its green leaves and we are awaiting the sweet smell the breeze carries to us. It is great coverage from the street as well ... like our own club house.
The pain is easing from my bones and joints. I still wonder why it is hitting me so hard. Doc said that chemo attacks weak places and I have a few of those. Before B.C., I was going to have surgery on my feet for bunions. That is now on hold. I also have Raynaud's, which I wonder if the chemo side effects are compounded. Well, regardless, I only have 2 more sessions .... just 2 more. For these next 2, April 5 & April 26, please pray specifically that I can mentally and physically get through the "bad" days.
I'm taking one more day off work, mainly because I know I can't drive. Matt goes to school on Tuesdays & Thursdays, so I'm holding out for him to take me Friday. At least for a few hours. I'm eating away my FMLA and I'm not sure what the rest of the year has in store for me.
Matt has been a real trooper through this. He is going through the grieving process of loosing his dad and taking care of me. I wish he had someone come along side him and hold him up. We usually do that for each other and unfortunately, it has been a little one-sided. I'm reflecting on my earlier post. He has taken care of me in ways that most people could not. Private and humbling. I'm grateful for him.
I'm grateful for my sister & her husband for taking the duty of making sure I'm eating. When this is all over, I want a BBQ with mom's potato salad!!
Can you tell the fog is lifting?
Do you know how much you help me?
So, as I write this, I hooked into my favorite radio station and it does lift my spirit, body and soul.
With the help of my cane, I'm getting from room to room. Spent a lot of time on the front porch watching the birds come to life in the early spring. My lilac bush started to sprout its green leaves and we are awaiting the sweet smell the breeze carries to us. It is great coverage from the street as well ... like our own club house.
 |
| Last year's bloom |
I'm taking one more day off work, mainly because I know I can't drive. Matt goes to school on Tuesdays & Thursdays, so I'm holding out for him to take me Friday. At least for a few hours. I'm eating away my FMLA and I'm not sure what the rest of the year has in store for me.
Matt has been a real trooper through this. He is going through the grieving process of loosing his dad and taking care of me. I wish he had someone come along side him and hold him up. We usually do that for each other and unfortunately, it has been a little one-sided. I'm reflecting on my earlier post. He has taken care of me in ways that most people could not. Private and humbling. I'm grateful for him.
I'm grateful for my sister & her husband for taking the duty of making sure I'm eating. When this is all over, I want a BBQ with mom's potato salad!!
Can you tell the fog is lifting?
Do you know how much you help me?
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Another New Day
Well, amazing what one writes at 1:00 in the morning. I've had some very touching messages in my in-box and I want to thank each of you for them. I also want to be sure that you don't think that I would ever take my own life. When I wrote so early in the morning, I guess I was baring my soul. I am a fighter and generally a tough cookie. It's true though that God called my bluff. I was always asking to go home and He said, do you really want to? Okay, deal with cancer. Now, tell me if you want to fight for your life... See your children marry... See your grandbabies be born. This is some important stuff to me and YES I want that.
To me, that is how God pulled me out of my depression. So you see, I never ask "why me?" I can't put into words how precious all those things are to me and the fact that I don't want to miss one moment of it.
A friend of mine shared this video .... it is so incredibly beautiful. The way that I want to experience life, adore life, and see life.
To me, that is how God pulled me out of my depression. So you see, I never ask "why me?" I can't put into words how precious all those things are to me and the fact that I don't want to miss one moment of it.
A friend of mine shared this video .... it is so incredibly beautiful. The way that I want to experience life, adore life, and see life.
Thank you Teri
Getting thru the Dark Days
It's just after 1:00am. I'm sitting on the twin bed we set up in the spare room ... the one that I'm trying to find a fun, cool name for (Ladies Lounge still #1). My big guy, Lucky, is purring next to me and Dee-Dee is lying on the floor peaceful. I feel like I am coming out of my funk. When I say "bad days", it really means "dark days". Days when I can barely hold on to my sanity, my reason for existence. Most folks in my life don't hear me speak like this. Poor Matt has been subjected to the overflow of my tears and wailing of self pity. It hasn't been easy for him I'm sure.
Chemo isn't easy. I have no idea how radiation is going to be either. In one of my tangents, I cried that if I get cancer again, I'm not doing this again. Yes, I'm serious. I don't think I can do this again.
I finally shared some of this darkness with my sister today. I find that telling it like it is is honest. I can't be the positive, happy-go-lucky spirit all the time. That isn't honest. This is some real hard crap to go through.
I've not asked the question "why me?" Because I already know why. 2011 was a very difficult year for me and I hit a depression that I couldn't climb out of. Many times I asked God to take me home. And then I got the diagnosis that I have cancer. Well, talk about calling your bluff. He did. Was I really ready to give up on life? The answer is NO. Even when I go through my dark days, I know that as each day passes, the light at the end of the tunnel is brighter. God has been revealing personal deep messages to me, along with blessings to show me why I'm on this earth and what He wants me to do.
My roller coaster ride definitely has its ups and downs, twists and turns.
But that is life no matter what situations we are facing.
I hang on tight to God's promises and I'm so thankful to be His child. As I live in the moment, I can hope for a bright future. I'm also thankful for the love and support from so many people in my life. Words of encouragement that we give to one another can make all the difference in the world.
Chemo isn't easy. I have no idea how radiation is going to be either. In one of my tangents, I cried that if I get cancer again, I'm not doing this again. Yes, I'm serious. I don't think I can do this again.
I finally shared some of this darkness with my sister today. I find that telling it like it is is honest. I can't be the positive, happy-go-lucky spirit all the time. That isn't honest. This is some real hard crap to go through.
I've not asked the question "why me?" Because I already know why. 2011 was a very difficult year for me and I hit a depression that I couldn't climb out of. Many times I asked God to take me home. And then I got the diagnosis that I have cancer. Well, talk about calling your bluff. He did. Was I really ready to give up on life? The answer is NO. Even when I go through my dark days, I know that as each day passes, the light at the end of the tunnel is brighter. God has been revealing personal deep messages to me, along with blessings to show me why I'm on this earth and what He wants me to do.
My roller coaster ride definitely has its ups and downs, twists and turns.
But that is life no matter what situations we are facing.
I hang on tight to God's promises and I'm so thankful to be His child. As I live in the moment, I can hope for a bright future. I'm also thankful for the love and support from so many people in my life. Words of encouragement that we give to one another can make all the difference in the world.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
The Friday After #4
He picked me up at 3:15 to head over to the clinic for my shot. We were in and out fairly quickly and I just wanted to go home, put my pj's on and lay down. Which I did. I got up around 7:00 and lounged on the couch with hubby until midnight.
The ton of pills I have to take! Yuck.
I'm kinda thinking that Friday's will now be added to the list of days off after chemo. As much as I want to be at work and keep caught up and not exhaust my leave days, it so isn't worth it.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Chemo Session #4
Four down - two to go!
Matt is on spring break this week and was able to take me to my chemo session.
I was happy to be able to get the corner suite again! Nice and roomy.
Once we got settled in, I realized that I forgot the numbing cream! I will never do that again! My nurse, Chris, handled it like a pro and helped me through the initial injection. *shew* Nurse Chris is compassionate as well and I am a lucky girl :) Oh! guess what! Nurse Dawn is my sister's neighbor and our kids went to school together....small world ~
I completed my evaluation sheet (gauging pain levels, nausea, fatigue, etc). I felt like a wimp giving most of them a 9. Matt reminded me of all the times I was crying during the past two weeks .... and not just because of Rickie. So, 9 it stays. Nicole (pharmacist) discusses the evaluation sheet and reviews the medications with us. Since I will have my shot tomorrow, I need to start the claritin again. Need to work on cleaning my bowels through fluid, fiber and prescription meds. Not only does it help the digestive system, it helps clear out the chemo drugs. Ok, I'll do better in that area. Also, since I can't take my pain meds during work, I can take extra strength Tylenol. It gets difficult with the different meds I am on, especially Coumadin.
I showed my big toe off to everyone ... side effect or something else? Doc determined that it was something else. It had "trauma" and I just don't remember how. Instructions ... keep it clean and wait for it to heal. It may or may not fall off. We shall see.
My numbers came back low, but good enough to proceed with the treatment. Since the neuropathy and pain is hitting me hard, she is "taking 25% off the Taxotere". Great! I do hope it helps. This one is a 3 hour drip with the ice on my hands and feet.
Doc had a high school student shadow her for the day. That is very impressive to have one so young interested in doing this.
As they prepared for my cocktails, the fabulous benedryl was injected and out I went. I can never keep my eyes open! I only brought one thing to do (read) and never got to it.
By noonish, Christie arrived and the changing of the guards occurred. She brought me some lunch and I am very thankful for the "extra" duty in getting it (silly girl). I stayed awake the best I could so we could chat about all the things going on in life.
Life does go on.
And the world keeps turning.
Then, one more announcement ... I was going to get my first blood transfusion after the cocktails were done. This should help my energy level and feel like a new woman. (Adam is electing Wonder Woman complete with tights and a lasso) *geeze* ;-)
My own blood was tested and determined to be A positive. The unit I received was O positive. I thank the person who gave their life source to me.
The clear tubes running from the bag into my arm looked like liquorice. Seriously. The color was very rich and that's what it reminded me of.
I was the last patient to leave. Everyone was very kind and thorough. The last thing I want is to be a big wimp about this. Indicating a 9 made me second guess myself. But, I felt true to that number.
There is a basket of donated hats and I picked this one. People are so nice :)
Ended the evening with nephew, Shane, visiting. Wonderful!
Well, I better get some shut eye for work tomorrow. May you have a safe St Patty's day out there. Take care ~
Matt is on spring break this week and was able to take me to my chemo session.
I was happy to be able to get the corner suite again! Nice and roomy.
Once we got settled in, I realized that I forgot the numbing cream! I will never do that again! My nurse, Chris, handled it like a pro and helped me through the initial injection. *shew* Nurse Chris is compassionate as well and I am a lucky girl :) Oh! guess what! Nurse Dawn is my sister's neighbor and our kids went to school together....small world ~
I completed my evaluation sheet (gauging pain levels, nausea, fatigue, etc). I felt like a wimp giving most of them a 9. Matt reminded me of all the times I was crying during the past two weeks .... and not just because of Rickie. So, 9 it stays. Nicole (pharmacist) discusses the evaluation sheet and reviews the medications with us. Since I will have my shot tomorrow, I need to start the claritin again. Need to work on cleaning my bowels through fluid, fiber and prescription meds. Not only does it help the digestive system, it helps clear out the chemo drugs. Ok, I'll do better in that area. Also, since I can't take my pain meds during work, I can take extra strength Tylenol. It gets difficult with the different meds I am on, especially Coumadin.
I showed my big toe off to everyone ... side effect or something else? Doc determined that it was something else. It had "trauma" and I just don't remember how. Instructions ... keep it clean and wait for it to heal. It may or may not fall off. We shall see.
My numbers came back low, but good enough to proceed with the treatment. Since the neuropathy and pain is hitting me hard, she is "taking 25% off the Taxotere". Great! I do hope it helps. This one is a 3 hour drip with the ice on my hands and feet.
Doc had a high school student shadow her for the day. That is very impressive to have one so young interested in doing this.
As they prepared for my cocktails, the fabulous benedryl was injected and out I went. I can never keep my eyes open! I only brought one thing to do (read) and never got to it.
By noonish, Christie arrived and the changing of the guards occurred. She brought me some lunch and I am very thankful for the "extra" duty in getting it (silly girl). I stayed awake the best I could so we could chat about all the things going on in life.
Life does go on.
And the world keeps turning.
Then, one more announcement ... I was going to get my first blood transfusion after the cocktails were done. This should help my energy level and feel like a new woman. (Adam is electing Wonder Woman complete with tights and a lasso) *geeze* ;-)
My own blood was tested and determined to be A positive. The unit I received was O positive. I thank the person who gave their life source to me.
The clear tubes running from the bag into my arm looked like liquorice. Seriously. The color was very rich and that's what it reminded me of.
I was the last patient to leave. Everyone was very kind and thorough. The last thing I want is to be a big wimp about this. Indicating a 9 made me second guess myself. But, I felt true to that number.
There is a basket of donated hats and I picked this one. People are so nice :)
Ended the evening with nephew, Shane, visiting. Wonderful!
Well, I better get some shut eye for work tomorrow. May you have a safe St Patty's day out there. Take care ~
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
I Just Came to talk with you Lord
Sheri had breast cancer and WHAT a TESTIMONY! Let it buffer up and just enjoy it 'cause you can tell it is from the heart.
Thank you Leon!
Thank you Leon!
Monday, March 12, 2012
Man Cave? Woman Cave? Bat Cave?
Today was my first day back to work since my last chemo Feb 23. Matt drove since we weren't sure how tired I would be after my shift. I'm so glad, 'cause I was tired. I can't believe my next session is already this Thursday. I plan to shove the negative vibes off and go in there and fight like a girl. I'm even gonna try not to miss any work post chemo .... grandiose thoughts ...
Got lots of hugs today welcoming me back and for the loss of Rickie. He made some friends while he was there. I'm so behind on thank you cards....hoping people are patient and forgiving.
My brother-in-law moved out of our spare room this weekend. We decided to rearrange stuff and now we have our "his" and "her's" cave. Instead of a "man cave", I'm trying to think of a good name for my room.
Any ideas?
So far: Fem Den, my Rad Pad .... since my brain isn't as witty as it use to be, I'm looking for that special name.
By the way, got a new side effect that looks like it could be from Taxotere. My big toe nail is black & blue and looks like the nail could fall off (see page 2). I don't remember bumping or smashing it. So, I'll be showing Doc when I see her Thursday. Actually, I have various bruises all over. Probably thanks to the coumadin.
I finally picked up the book borrowed from Barb and began reading it. At times, I felt so overwhelmed with information that I just began making piles. Now, I feel I want to be empowered and thought reading this book might just help. I've already experienced some of the items she has mentioned.
Got lots of hugs today welcoming me back and for the loss of Rickie. He made some friends while he was there. I'm so behind on thank you cards....hoping people are patient and forgiving.
My brother-in-law moved out of our spare room this weekend. We decided to rearrange stuff and now we have our "his" and "her's" cave. Instead of a "man cave", I'm trying to think of a good name for my room.
Any ideas?
So far: Fem Den, my Rad Pad .... since my brain isn't as witty as it use to be, I'm looking for that special name.
By the way, got a new side effect that looks like it could be from Taxotere. My big toe nail is black & blue and looks like the nail could fall off (see page 2). I don't remember bumping or smashing it. So, I'll be showing Doc when I see her Thursday. Actually, I have various bruises all over. Probably thanks to the coumadin.
I finally picked up the book borrowed from Barb and began reading it. At times, I felt so overwhelmed with information that I just began making piles. Now, I feel I want to be empowered and thought reading this book might just help. I've already experienced some of the items she has mentioned.
- You will look at life in a whole new way, as something you are lucky to be experiencing.
- You will appreciate every day, just because it is there and has been given to you to enjoy.
- You won't take your health for granted, and will take better care of your mind and your body, making yourself a priority (rather than your family, friends, job, or other distractions).
- You will be calmer ... the little things won't seem to bother you as much.
- You won't worry about tomorrow as much, but live for today.
- You will draw nearer to the people who bring meaning and fulfillment to your life, and get rid of those who don't (crises have an amazing way of revealing someone's true character).
- You will gain extreme clarity ... about exactly who you are and what you want from your life.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Celebrating Rickie's Life
The calling hours for Rickie were held on March 7. The photos gave folks an idea of the importance of family, fun and laughter that we all cherished. His 2 sons and niece wrote about him and we had copies available. Many stories were shared as well. Folks from his youth were there, as well as those who just met him on the job.
Some say that funerals are for the living. I can see why.
It has been a few days since getting on the computer. Now that final arrangements are done, grief has begun. I'm doing my best as my husband takes the steps in the grieving process. Wish I was physically stronger to care for him.
The flowers are still on the kitchen table. It is my plan to press and preserve some of the flowers along with the ribbons with the words "father", "grandfather", etc. I need to pull all the photos off the poster board. Planning to give them to family.
Next on the agenda is taking care of all his financial and personal items. Probate, etc.
I truly believe that people need to get their affairs in order. Not just wills, but power of attorney, and every other document that will help families.
Some say that funerals are for the living. I can see why.
It has been a few days since getting on the computer. Now that final arrangements are done, grief has begun. I'm doing my best as my husband takes the steps in the grieving process. Wish I was physically stronger to care for him.
The flowers are still on the kitchen table. It is my plan to press and preserve some of the flowers along with the ribbons with the words "father", "grandfather", etc. I need to pull all the photos off the poster board. Planning to give them to family.
Next on the agenda is taking care of all his financial and personal items. Probate, etc.
I truly believe that people need to get their affairs in order. Not just wills, but power of attorney, and every other document that will help families.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Monday, March 5, 2012
Love & Support
This afternoon, Katrina hand delivered cards from work and most humbling, money from a fundraiser my co-workers organized and participated in. We can't even put into words how grateful we are and how much we appreciate the love and support that we feel from so many wonderful people. How blessed we are. How honored we are to call them friends. The waterworks flow easily now.
Food was also delivered too.... me? at a loss for words? ....
If I could climb to the top of a mountain, I would shout to the four corners of earth to proclaim GOD IS GOOD ... ALL THE TIME and ALL THE TIME... GOD IS GOOD.
Getting Ready
We spent time writing about Rickie to have at the funeral home. Tomorrow will be spent selecting from all the photos gathered and placing them on poster boards. CD mix of music. Final touches on the memorial cards (picked out Thomas Kincaid).
Needless to say, a few more days off work ~
Food was also delivered too.... me? at a loss for words? ....
If I could climb to the top of a mountain, I would shout to the four corners of earth to proclaim GOD IS GOOD ... ALL THE TIME and ALL THE TIME... GOD IS GOOD.
Getting Ready
We spent time writing about Rickie to have at the funeral home. Tomorrow will be spent selecting from all the photos gathered and placing them on poster boards. CD mix of music. Final touches on the memorial cards (picked out Thomas Kincaid).
Needless to say, a few more days off work ~
Follow-up from Chemo #3
Matt took me to Doc Esther this morning. I had it in my mind that if she couldn't tell me if the chemo was working, then I was done. I'm weak and just not really feeling like doing this anymore. After they took my blood, I sat and waited ... lost in thought. A few times, the tears flowed of everything that has happened over the past few months. Then, I began to think about the women I know whose stages are more advanced than mine. How much more they are going through and I had absolutely no right to sit there and whine. I'm just tired. No, it's more than just tired ... fatigued. Not quite right either ... what is a word that can describe being absolutely exhausted?
To her credit, she didn't try to sugar-coat it. She gave me her full attention and listened. Because we are not shrinking a tumor, she can not give me the answer to "is the treatment working". She can only tell me that based on my HER2 protein that statistics say that what treatment I'm getting now can help prevent it from coming back. Hmmmm, not quite the reassurance I needed to make a decision. Then, back to the women I have in my mind and in my heart....and back to my daughters and my husband and my family.... ok, I'll stick with it.....
Doc said that there may be a time before all this is over too when I won't be able to go back to work for awhile. Reduced hours still might be too much. Ok, looks like I will have to cross that road when I get there. I reminded her that I'm the only paycheck in the house right now. She understood. I was also denied my cancer policy because it became effective Jan 1 and I was diagnosed Dec 7. She said she would help me appeal it (although I don't know how to change their minds). Do you?
The blood counts came back and she liked the numbers. So, the Neulasta is working. She said that I'm a tad dehydrated, but not bad enough for fluid IV. (that's good) Doc also told me to eat more junk food (now what doctor would tell you that?) Guess I dropped a few pounds. She said junk food tastes good and it has calories. ahhhhhh
I asked her again the details for the rest of my treatments. She is going to adjust next week's chemo .... last chemo should be end of April. Then 6 weeks of daily radiation. Then 11 treatments of Herceptin. Basically, treatments for the remainder of 2012.
What a year ~
Tomorrow, it is my plan to make it to work. I'm praying for the courage and the strength.
To her credit, she didn't try to sugar-coat it. She gave me her full attention and listened. Because we are not shrinking a tumor, she can not give me the answer to "is the treatment working". She can only tell me that based on my HER2 protein that statistics say that what treatment I'm getting now can help prevent it from coming back. Hmmmm, not quite the reassurance I needed to make a decision. Then, back to the women I have in my mind and in my heart....and back to my daughters and my husband and my family.... ok, I'll stick with it.....
Doc said that there may be a time before all this is over too when I won't be able to go back to work for awhile. Reduced hours still might be too much. Ok, looks like I will have to cross that road when I get there. I reminded her that I'm the only paycheck in the house right now. She understood. I was also denied my cancer policy because it became effective Jan 1 and I was diagnosed Dec 7. She said she would help me appeal it (although I don't know how to change their minds). Do you?
The blood counts came back and she liked the numbers. So, the Neulasta is working. She said that I'm a tad dehydrated, but not bad enough for fluid IV. (that's good) Doc also told me to eat more junk food (now what doctor would tell you that?) Guess I dropped a few pounds. She said junk food tastes good and it has calories. ahhhhhh
I asked her again the details for the rest of my treatments. She is going to adjust next week's chemo .... last chemo should be end of April. Then 6 weeks of daily radiation. Then 11 treatments of Herceptin. Basically, treatments for the remainder of 2012.
What a year ~
Tomorrow, it is my plan to make it to work. I'm praying for the courage and the strength.
 |
| Patchwork of life |
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Saying Good-bye for Different Reasons
The past 24+ hours have been saying good-bye for different reasons.
Two Father Figures ~
We celebrated the life of Mr. White and yes, I mean celebrated. To hear of this man's touch in so many lives was astounding. He certainly had enough energy to pull a locomotive. As I battle the affects of chemo, it is difficult to imagine myself with even an ounce of energy.
We then made the final arrangements for Pa. When death comes unexpectedly, a flurry of activity ensues. There are so many decisions to make and a long list of things to take care of. Rickie's laughter and caring will be missed and the void in our lives can only be replaced with our fond memories.
And yesterday, we also said a farewell to my mom as she is going to the Carolina's for a few months with my sister. They are in transit now. Unfortunately, I didn't get to spend much time with them yesterday after the funeral ... again, my stupid energy level was too low. I only get to see my sister a couple of times a year. And, once again, I had to say my farewells to her and Mel.
Death always brings reflections. If you remember, I boasted my new year's resolution as "de-cluttering" my piles. Sad to say that I haven't even started. But, it MUST be done. There is no way I want my family to have to sort through all this STUFF.
And reflections of my own life and how are people going to remember me? What kind of legacy am I leaving? What kind of legacy are you leaving?
If you want to get to know me, this is one of my top 10 songs. Enjoy the message ~
Two Father Figures ~
We celebrated the life of Mr. White and yes, I mean celebrated. To hear of this man's touch in so many lives was astounding. He certainly had enough energy to pull a locomotive. As I battle the affects of chemo, it is difficult to imagine myself with even an ounce of energy.
We then made the final arrangements for Pa. When death comes unexpectedly, a flurry of activity ensues. There are so many decisions to make and a long list of things to take care of. Rickie's laughter and caring will be missed and the void in our lives can only be replaced with our fond memories.
And yesterday, we also said a farewell to my mom as she is going to the Carolina's for a few months with my sister. They are in transit now. Unfortunately, I didn't get to spend much time with them yesterday after the funeral ... again, my stupid energy level was too low. I only get to see my sister a couple of times a year. And, once again, I had to say my farewells to her and Mel.
Death always brings reflections. If you remember, I boasted my new year's resolution as "de-cluttering" my piles. Sad to say that I haven't even started. But, it MUST be done. There is no way I want my family to have to sort through all this STUFF.
And reflections of my own life and how are people going to remember me? What kind of legacy am I leaving? What kind of legacy are you leaving?
If you want to get to know me, this is one of my top 10 songs. Enjoy the message ~
Friday, March 2, 2012
Another Day of Trying
I didn't get much done today ~ was in bed most of the day. I really need some energy and strength.
Matt and his brother were at Rickie's place packing up. There is so much to do. What do people do about taxes? bills? stuff like that? I'm sure we will have to go through probate too.
Mr. White's funeral is tomorrow. And, my sister will be up from S. Carolina for just the day. Then, mom will be traveling back with her on Sunday.
We are hoping to know a funeral date for Rickie by Monday. I've requested that day off as well just trying to get things done. If we have a choice for the funeral, we are looking at Wednesday March 7.
Aunt Dar and cousin Misty came over tonight and we had a wonderful time of story telling. I am so glad they were here.
That's it for now. Good-nite.
Matt and his brother were at Rickie's place packing up. There is so much to do. What do people do about taxes? bills? stuff like that? I'm sure we will have to go through probate too.
Mr. White's funeral is tomorrow. And, my sister will be up from S. Carolina for just the day. Then, mom will be traveling back with her on Sunday.
We are hoping to know a funeral date for Rickie by Monday. I've requested that day off as well just trying to get things done. If we have a choice for the funeral, we are looking at Wednesday March 7.
Aunt Dar and cousin Misty came over tonight and we had a wonderful time of story telling. I am so glad they were here.
That's it for now. Good-nite.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
What Happens if You Die on Feb 29?
It is with great sadness to write about the loss of my father-in-law, Rickie. We received the phone call from work that Rickie had collapsed and CPR was being administered. The EMTs were frantically working on him all the way out to the squad.
I got Matt out the door heading to the hospital and I made the calls to family to meet him there. I couldn't go, as I was way too weak.
Matt called. He was dead on arrival.
Only 57 ~ I can tell you that he was with people who cared about him. They reacted quickly and he was not alone. He was with people who cared about me and Matt too. Rickie worked where I work and a few years ago, Matt did too. A family owned business with a lot of heart.
The medical examiner called us today and said he had a really bad heart and that there was nothing anybody could have done. He died immediately. For me, that is a God send...anytime there is no suffering is a God send.
Feb 29 - 3:16pm. I haven't been to work since my last chemo. If I would have been there, I would have been in the ambulance with him. How very sad.
So, what do we do next year? What do people do when there is an important event in your life and it falls on leap year? I have no clue.
We are trying to put all the pieces together. No will. No power of attorney. No life insurance policy. Funeral homes want the money up front. I know God will provide. He always does.
We did contact Newcomers and think that we will go with them. And we will definitely make it a time of day that his co-workers can pay their respect.
For now, we just want to thank everyone for their words of comfort. We always appreciate prayer. A friend sent this video today and it is wonderfully moving.
I got Matt out the door heading to the hospital and I made the calls to family to meet him there. I couldn't go, as I was way too weak.
Matt called. He was dead on arrival.
Only 57 ~ I can tell you that he was with people who cared about him. They reacted quickly and he was not alone. He was with people who cared about me and Matt too. Rickie worked where I work and a few years ago, Matt did too. A family owned business with a lot of heart.
The medical examiner called us today and said he had a really bad heart and that there was nothing anybody could have done. He died immediately. For me, that is a God send...anytime there is no suffering is a God send.
Feb 29 - 3:16pm. I haven't been to work since my last chemo. If I would have been there, I would have been in the ambulance with him. How very sad.
So, what do we do next year? What do people do when there is an important event in your life and it falls on leap year? I have no clue.
We are trying to put all the pieces together. No will. No power of attorney. No life insurance policy. Funeral homes want the money up front. I know God will provide. He always does.
We did contact Newcomers and think that we will go with them. And we will definitely make it a time of day that his co-workers can pay their respect.
For now, we just want to thank everyone for their words of comfort. We always appreciate prayer. A friend sent this video today and it is wonderfully moving.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)