Herception #12

Cuddled up with my soft blanket Jane made .... It's perfect for chemo treatment as the room is SO cold, even the waiting room is cold.  Today, I had Nurse Regina tend to me.  I feel "calm" in the familiar setting of the treatment clinic.  They take their duties seriously, yet they can tease one another. (I'm sure in their intense day, it relieves the stress). Watching them collect all the syringes, platex gloves, IV bags, etc ... the usual devices for taking vitals ... the laptops on their rolling table to go from patient to patient .... not to mention the chatter from nurse to nurse as they verify numbers and patient information for one another.  The chemo drug is based on patient's weight and other factors, and they whip out their calculators to figure out the cocktail.  The pharmacist makes the batch specially made for the individual.   That process gives me peace.

Herceptin ~ the estrogen blocker

I asked to talk to the pharmacist, Nicole and she popped over to answer the questions that I had regarding Anastrozole, the pill I have to take for 5 years.  By the way, she mentioned how some patients stop taking the pill after 3 years or even a few weeks.

Don't stop

She said that science shows that it should be taken for "at least" 5 years, if not longer.  I'll take her word for it.  I really, really, don't want to go through this again and if it helps, I'm doing it.

I shared with her the article I found and the side effect page.  She said that the news media can hype things to the extreme, so to not get overly stressed about the information.  It is a good idea to exercise and to make healthy food choices, but hormones that might be in meat products are not enough to cause the cancer to reoccur .... hmmmm.  The side effect page lists ALL possible side effects, but not all of them may come into play.  The most prevalent will be the sore joints and muscles and loss of hand grip.  If I do have problems with Anastrozole, I should call the doctor as there are other "sister" drugs that can be tried.  She told me to get supplemental calcium and Vitamin D.  And I am currently doing that ~

Just bringing my brain and emotions full circle.  You might not like to hear it but, 'none of us are getting out of here alive.' So, deal with it (at least that is what I'm telling myself) by ways that are important to you.

• Change the things that I can change
• Live your life to the fullest (wish I would have done that a long time ago)
• Prioritize ~ what is important?
• Oh my gosh, I really do need to declutter.  It is out of control, which makes me feel out of control
• Make that bucket list and actually check things off that list

There is HOPE for each day.

I was recently reminded of Paul, when he was in prison.  And even though his surroundings were unbearable, he had JOY deep in his heart.  I sense that as the ultimate calm. There are many times that I feel this as well.  Sorry you see the other side of me at times ~ you get to be on my roller coaster ride of emotions .... well, I'm an imperfect human.... But one that is full of HOPE. 

My hope is not for myself, say like in a cure for my body. A hope that is so much more than that.   Sadly, many get their happiness only from those things around them in their circle of circumstances.  But once those circumstances changes to illness, or loss or (fill in the blank), our happiness disappears. 

We yearn for peace ... and such is the peace Jesus promises to all who trust in Him.

I am with you always,

even to the end of the age.

Matthew 28:20

 

 

This is the hope,

This is the joy,

This is the peace that passes all understanding

 

It is only through God's grace and His mercy

that we can behold these blessings!



Extra pounds tied to breast cancer recurrence, death

Published August 27, 2012
 http://www.foxnews.com/health/2012/08/27/extra-pounds-tied-to-breast-cancer-recurrence-death/?cmpid=cmty_%7BlinkBack%7D_Extra_pounds_tied_to_breast_cancer_recurrence%2C_death
Reuters

Among women who have been treated for breast cancer, heavier women are more likely to have their disease come back and more likely to die of cancer, according to a new study.

It's common sense that sitting in front of computer and TV screens is making people fatter. A study out this week puts some precise numbers on it, though — and finds a surprisingly steady pattern across rich and poor countries.

That could be because certain hormones that are linked to body weight may also fuel tumor growth in the most common form of the disease, known as estrogen receptor-positive cancer.

The 5 Year Pill

I'm scared. Simple truth.

Today was my follow-up appointment with Doc Esther.  During my exam, I pointed to the areas where I'm having pain .... and not all the pain is located in my affected breast, there is pain in my "good" side. 

1) Time for my echo (due to the Herceptin)
2) Prescribed Anastrozole which has horrible side effects and patient reviews
3) Ordered a bone density screening to get that base line

The 5 year pill is suppose to start after radiation is done.  My last radiation blast was July18 .... it is now Aug 27, hmmmmm

Once I got home and searched on webmd, I'm starting to come up with questions .... like:

"This medication is used to treat breast cancer in women who have gone through "the change of life" (menopause). Anastrozole works by lowering estrogen hormone levels to help shrink tumors and slow their growth"

• I thought my surgeon removed the tumor ....

"Tell your doctor immediately if any of these unlikely but serious side effects occur: mental/mood changes (e.g., depression), numbness/tingling/ swelling of the hands or feet, persistent cough, unusual vaginal discharge/burning/ itching/odor, unusually stiff muscles, pain/redness/swelling of the arms or legs, vision changes, bone pain, bone fracture, signs of infection (e.g., fever, chills, persistent sore throat)."

• I'm already on depression medicine
• I still have neuropathy
• My bones (back) HURT so bad already

"Seek immediate medical attention if any of these rare but very serious side effects occur: chest pain, jaw/left arm pain, trouble breathing, confusion, fainting, slurred speech, weakness on one side of the body.
A very serious allergic reaction to this drug is unlikely, but seek immediate medical attention if it occurs. Symptoms of a serious allergic reaction may include: rash, itching/swelling (especially of the face/tongue/throat), severe dizziness, trouble breathing."

• The heart is already taking a beating on Herceptin (no pun intended)

"Constipation, diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, upset stomach, loss of appetite, body aches and pains, breast swelling/tenderness/pain, headache, dry mouth, scratchy throat, increased cough, dizziness, trouble sleeping, tiredness/weakness, flushing and sweating (hot flashes/hot flushes), vaginal bleeding, hair thinning, and weight change can occur. Changes in diet such as eating several small meals may help lessen the chance of nausea and vomiting. If any of these effects persist or worsen, notify your doctor or pharmacist promptly."

• Oh, the fun never stops!

Can anybody tell me their experience on the drug?  I read the Reviews and I must say, frightening.

Plus, like Jennifer said, getting serious about food intake and exercise has got to be top priority.  (sis, help me!)

Schedule:

This Thursday, my Herceptin chemo.
Sept 10 - Echo and Bone Density screening

Ok, I need to go re-direct my brain for awhile.

Peace Out ~

Get a Jump Start to the Day!

Sunday morning, our alarm was set for church .... except it didn't go off!  My husband was the first to sit up straight and yell "oh no! what time is it?"

Talk about getting a jump start to my day!

The whole block was out.  We weren't running late, so the panic mode decreased as we began our morning routine.  Good thing I don't need a hair dryer!

This was a great Sunday because our friend, Nancy, came to visit our church.  It was great seeing her again after such a long time and it was a blessing to have her fellowship with us.

Saturday - Panera's with Teri / Sunday - Panera's with Tina

Yes, I love Panera's!

Afterwards, I headed to Panera's in town to meet up with a former co-worker who is now living in Germany.  Oh! it was so great seeing her again.  If you want to read a brilliantly written blog read Tina's.

Twinkle Toes

Four hours was just not enough to catch up on everything! Tina, THANK YOU for spending time with me during your stay back home.  Hannah is the most precious little one!

My prayers are now "specific" and will certainly continue to pray....



We spent FOUR hours at lunch!





Teri

Had such a great time with Teri!  Let's see, we've been friends for about 25 years now.  I think we are aging well, lol!

Aren't tri-pods useful?

Me & Teri

I took a zillion pictures of her



 

 

She took a half a zillion of me :)

 

 

 



Lord, thank you for the blessings in my life.  For helping me get a little bit stronger each day and for friendships that last.  Most of all, thank you for opening my eyes and my heart even more each day.  There is SO much to see!

More Family!

Last night, I met Matt's cousin, Mike, and his wife Debbie.  There is A LOT in common with us .... it is a small world.  Love them both!  Hopefully, we didn't bore them to tears as we were chatty just excited to share our life happenings.

This morning I got myself up (which you know is hard on the weekends) and made it to the calling hours of "R" .  It was so very beautiful.  His mom spent time with me and she is a loving woman.  My heart goes out to the family.

Next, I'm meeting Teri at our half way point to catch up on life.  Taking my camera!

Make this day a WONDERFUL day .... Make a DIFFERENCE!

Birthdays are Fun!

Time does fly!  Today was Sally's birthday .... she absolutely hates it when I bring my camera in, it's too funny ~ she can't keep her eyes open when the camera flashes.  We finally did a little "trick"

Either don't look directly at the camera

OR

 

Wear glasses....

 



 

 

 

Update on my physical self

People are telling me I'm looking great!  I do feel somewhat better.  Just incredibly tired all the time and I know I should be exercising and eating healthier.  It's coming .....

 

My headaches have been rare.  I'm thinking the new glasses did the trick.  Didn't I mention that on day one?  Got the bill from the neurologist.  I'm not too happy that my family doctor sent me to a specialist that was out of network.  I thought they knew what they were doing so I didn't question it. That bill is high and I'm not planning to go back. GEEZE!

 

Getting frequent explosions of pain in both breasts, under the arms .... will tell Doc on my appointment this coming Monday. (Dates of stuff are on my page "About Me")

 

My hair is coming in thick, dark but not curly.  So, unless that changes, it dispels that myth.

 

 

Update on my spiritual self

God is showing me so many things.  My eyes are open.  It's not about religion, it's about relationship.  A relationship with God the Father and His son Jesus Christ. AMEN :)





A Hint of Heaven

Today was my first day back since vacation Aug 10.  It was good to be back refreshed and ready to go.  But, let me tell ya, it was a hard one.

My line of work has some sadness to it.  I've been doing it for about 20 years now and I don't question why, I just do what I feel God has called me to do.

In my own quiet way

I received a phone call from an employee's mother who informed me that he had died over the weekend.  "R" has been on my heart for the past few years as he battled cancer.  Throughout the conversation, I quietly cried as she recited the happenings leading up to his death.  For people who believe in God and heaven, it is easier to let go.  What she told me gave me great peace and

a tingling sensation in my whole being

During the past few years as I helped him through his disability benefits, I had the wonderful opportunity of getting to know him.  He should of really had a blog ~ it would have been awe inspiring.  Every time I spoke with him, he was praising Jesus, telling me of how blessed he was, how he had NO pain, how he was going to be a cancer survivor and he was

 a man who had peace that passes all understanding

The hospice doctors kept wanting to give him morphine and he kept telling them that he was not in pain.  God is so merciful.

The day before he passed, he told his momma that he wanted to get his papers in order.  Friday, everything was completed by 9:00 that night.  She told me that he then said to her that

God had spoken to him.

She said he looked like he was glowing and he was so calm.  R said that God told him that he was going to be healed and they would celebrate,  not in this life, but together in heaven.  The next day, he went home to be with the Lord and was surrounded by his loved ones ~ as it should be. I am sure that angels were ready to guide him to eternity.

I wish that I could tell you the whole conversation verbatim.  It would give you a renewed appreciation of our Holy God.  We can barely comprehend His majesty in our human minds.  I'm honored to have heard the remarkable occurrences she relayed to me.  All my life, I have received confirmation after confirmation.

God reveals Himself to open hearts

Proverbs 3:5-6

New King James Version (NKJV)

⁵ Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct^[a] your paths.

Another "Good-bye"



A beautiful friend of mine had lunch with me today (I'm so lucky).  Over the past years, our friendship has blossomed and my sis even met her! (She was there on my surgery day and also transported me from chemo when I needed her)

She has such a heart for Haiti and God has opened up the door for her to be able to help the lovely people on a more permanent basis.  She is leaving next Friday. 

Talk about being ON FIRE! 

ahhh, if only we could all be like that!

http://calledbacktohaiti.blogspot.com/ (my sis helped her get a blog started)

I ask for prayer that her journey will lead her to the desires of her heart and that God will continue to bless her as her testimony increases each passing day.

Thank goodness for SKYPE!!!

Thank goodness for her faithfulness!!

Thank goodness for the love that surrounds her!!

Thank goodness for the mighty works shared by everyone in this mission!!

and

Thank goodness for you!

Some people, like angels, leave a hint of heaven wherever they go

Home Again

Hi All,

It was an exciting week in Colorado!  We miss our young lady already, but know that she is in good hands.  I met wonderful women that surround her and love her.  Wish I could have spent more time with them.  Wednesday night was small group bible study.  Ladies, thank you for your prayers. Thank you for caring so much for my daughter. And thank you for inviting me to fellowship with you. :)

The adventure continued on Wednesday (the last full day there).  As I mentioned, Chris & Nate took Matt on a mountain bike "ride".  Let me just say that he ..... isn't "geared" for it .... maybe 20 years ago, but not today.



We spent the rest of the day driving around the canyon.  Just awesome!

Our vacation went by fast.  Colorado boasts many healthy, active folks and beautiful rugged mountains.  It was breathtaking experiencing it and wonderful to see Casey again.

We are home again in the small hills of Ohio.  Each place has its own beauty and home is where the heart is.

On Thursday, we left for the airport at 6:00am.  Denver airport is incredibly big.  We tried to get seats next to each other, but the lady at the counter said "she tried".  Matt was sitting directly in front of me.  A nice man next to me agreed to switch seats without hesitation.   I'm so grateful that we were next to each other!  The flight was smooth and uneventful.

Aren't nice people .... nice.

Christie met us at the airport.  I'm so glad she is smart to look up the flight first.  I gave her the wrong pick up time!! She is so sweet to have cared for our pets while we were gone and to transport us.  Mom helped in a big way too by staying with them during the day so they had human contact. 

Today, I woke up around 12:30 in the afternoon.  I consider this the last day of vacation (vacation = other people at work + you are not at work)....the weekend doesn't count!

I have a ton of photos to upload to shutterfly.

May your day be filled with sunshine & flowers!

Tick Tock

Today is the last full day of vacation in Colorado.  Everyone knows ~ vacations go by fast. 

It is the morning hour here and afternoon back home.  No matter what the clock says in your part of the world, we each have 24 hours in a day.  I am still trying to account for the minutes in my day and having trouble living them to the fullest. 

This morning, Casey and Clara left for work. Matt and Chris is mountain biking.  I took my time getting ready and now I'm hanging out until he comes back around noon.  We plan to meet Casey at her work and then do more site seeing. 

Yesterday, I took Matt down by the river.

We met up with Casey for lunch at Quincy's and then took a drive everywhere.

Up Mt Princeton to St Elmos, which is a mining town and now a ghost town. I got a few shots in before it began to downpour. You could tell we are from Ohio ~ we had an umbrella!

We got a movie for the evening and Chris came over for dinner.  End to a perfect day!

Altitude



Forgot to mention how the altitude can affect you .... bloody nose for one ~

And last night, my lips looked bruised.  Sort of a dark purple.  Don't know if it is a mixture of oxygen, coumidin (blood thinner) ... or what.

Very strange ~

Rocky Mountain Oysters?

Today is just a bit chilly!  The sky is cloudy and the mist glides across the peaks. 

We made our way to the gas station to put air in the tires and then to Auto Zone to get a car battery and wiper blades.  Her car has been sitting for about two months since she now has a company SUV that she uses. 

They have a beautiful library.  We picked up some books and movies for those peaceful moments.  (this vacation is more rest & relaxation = R&R than go-go-go)

After that, she went on a call for work and Matt & I went to have lunch.

The Branding Iron

I had an excellent lunch of chicken and salad.  The ever-so-adventurous husband had Rocky Mountain oysters.  (you'll have to google that one)  He said it tasted like veal.  oh, my, my, my ~

Back at Casey's place for a bit ~ waiting to see how long the rain hangs around today or if we will just keep things simple for today. That's okay by me! Spending time with my girl is what matters to me :)

Beautiful Sunday

What a wonderful Sunday service!  It was Communion Sunday.  It is great meeting all the women that have befriended Casey.  It is important to bond with women who have positive influences on one another.  We are going back to the church tomorrow so I can get some amazing photos.  We got a little visitor's gift.

Casey is going to take me to the women's small group on Wednesday.  It will be nice to fellowship with them. 

I finished putting up the pictures I've taken so far on my shutterfly site.  The Rockie's are very extreme compared to the lushness of the Blue Ridge.  God's beautiful hand is seen in all of it.

I'm in the mirror ~

Casey has been our tour guide

What do you see out your back yard?

Looking out the backyard at Casey's place

Saturday morning ~ It's a new day.

Matt and I made it to the airport in plenty of time to get our tickets and go through security.  This was the first time flying in many, many years which means the first time ever of going through security.  A bit confusing, but we managed.  I was taken aside and searched as something in my waistline caused them to question me.  I just had regular jeans on and no belt.  Not sure what they saw, but I was let go to continue through.  I didn't know if my port would set it off (but it is plastic), not sure if the titanium from the biopsy would set it off, but trust me, my sistas aren't down to my waist.  Other than that, was the tats received from radiation.  Oh well, whatever it was, I wonder if it will happen on the trip home.

We flew into Denver by 5:20pm, which was 2 hours earlier than back home.  As we maneuvered through the city and got on the main road to Casey's home, we decided to stop off and get a bite to eat.  It was a wonderful place called DW 285 Diner and our waitress was very friendly and nice.

Bellies full, nice and relaxed, I took the back seat and Matt took the front passenger seat,  while Casey navigated through the mountains.  It was getting dark and the rains began, along with the fog rolling in.  Thankfully, I was laying down or I would have been a nuisance to the driver (and co-pilot).  We pulled in a little before 10pm, which as midnight to us. 

Casey is living in a beautiful home with the homeowner, Clara.  We have been enjoying Clara's little cat, Michipoo, and the hospitality.  Michipoo looks like our Star and Bailey. 

After a nice, quiet night of rest, we got up this morning with enthusiasm to see the sights.  First stop, the local grocery store.  Back home to drop off the food and yes, I took a mini nap.

I didn't want to sleep my vacation away .... once I got up, Casey took us around town and then on the outskirts of town where I got several photos of boulders, mountains and terrain.  After that, we parked in the center of town to enjoy the activities of a festival with vendor booths, and carnival food.  

And that is where we met Chris.  I very nice guy that Casey has been hanging around with.  Funnel cakes and good conversation!

It is 10:45 here (my body is saying 12:40). I'm missing some items of today, but feeling tired. 

Lights out! Church tomorrow ~

I've Come A Long Way

This morning I reported to the center for my Herceptin IV.  I walked into the waiting room full of people who just stared at me.  Probably wondering what my story was .... as is human nature.  Some looked like "newbies"~ a look of fear, apprehension, with a slice of denial.  Today, it really hit me...how far I've come. 

I didn't think I would make it out of cocktail hour

Chemo sucks



Nurse Karen attended to me again.  I also got to say hi to Nurse Tracy and Nurse Dawn.  They all commented on my hair and how well I was looking.  (maybe my new glasses are making a difference).  They take such good care of all the patients with a pleasant bed side manner and compassion.  I know that I'm in good hands. 

I asked when I should be getting another Echo for my heart (done for patients on Herceptin).  My last one was January 10 .... wonder if it is time.  Karen is getting a message to my doc and I'll remind her at my next appointment.

April was when I finished cocktail hour and it is now August.  A lot has happened in the last 4 months.  I am so very thankful for the words of encouragement, the prayers, the patience of those around me, of God's mercy and love. 

I have received 3 wonderful cards with 3 beautiful angels in them from http://www.smilingstitches.com/secretangelstitchers.html

Not sure how I got on their mailing list, but I am very grateful for their gifts and words of encouragement.  I will be sharing more on my blog about them when I get back home.

Tomorrow is Vacation!

Catching the plane to Colorado

I've made my piles to pack in the suitcase and we have made arrangements for our pets. We are definitely ready for some gorgeous blue sky, majestic mountains, a slower pace, meeting new friends and of course many hugs from my daughter.

Taking my laptop

Will keep in touch!





Last time I was there, I had hair!

Slept the Weekend Away.....Again

You're not going to believe this .... I got home Friday and put my comfy pj's on and didn't get dressed until Monday morning for work. 

Of course, I showered first

Again, slept the weekend away. I'm very glad hubby is patient with me.  There is always so much that I want to tackle, but by the end of the week and working full time, I'm exhausted.

Can't WAIT for VACATION!  Flying out this Friday.

I'm no longer scared about flying.  As one gracious friend pointed out, I made it through cancer treatments, how in the world can I be scared of flying?

She's got a point ~

I picked up my new glasses today and getting use to the style and new script. With progressive lenses, I have to tilt my head just so in order to see clearly. 

More hair coming in .... with these new glasses, I'm really looking my age! Oh well, bound to happen sooner or later.

Really hoping to read a book again .... I miss it so ~

Romans 8:38 ~

  "For I am convinced that neither death nor life,

neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future,

nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in

Christ Jesus our Lord."



MRV

I went to the health center after work for my MRV.  No problems, except they lost my work order .... the tech remembered receiving it and knew what was instructed.

No contrast required! Yay!

This test took less than 15 minutes ... the last one was an hour long (and with contrast).

So, I will await the results ~

In other news:

Each day I wake up, my hair is fuller.  I use to part my hair in the middle and right now, there is no sign of parts.  That makes me wonder if I get to train my hair in a different way.  I see shimmers and think it is some gray peeking through.  That's ok :)

Tomorrow is Friday!  Looking forward to it.  There is so much to accomplish before our vacation next week.   Heading for Colorado to see my oldest daughter and getting some much needed R&R.  Matt hasn't been there yet, so I'm excited to share the experience with him. 

Off work for 10 consecutive days!



Never Feel Alone

Wednesday night bible study.  Matt has been going, but this was my first time.  I missed getting together in small group studies and I enjoyed it very much. 

A friend of mine, Leon, wrote to tell me to read Romans again (which I'm doing once my new glasses come in).  Our group leader tonight mentioned Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose."

As I mentioned before, I never asked "God, why me?"  I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.  It never ceases to amaze me of all the conversations I've had with women (and some men) about cancer.  Either they know someone with cancer or they had their own battle.  There is a feeling of "connection" and it helps to not feel so alone. And I can give God glory by my testimony.

Even our care takers need to feel connected.  Thank you, Ron, for taking time to see Matt.  He was on cloud nine!

MRV

The MRV has been scheduled for August 2.  I really don't want to go to anymore doctors or get anymore tests.  I think this whole headache thing is a combination of stress, cancer treatment, medicine and vision.

I had my eyes checked Sunday afternoon and ordered new glasses.  I bet that will help.

Been without my scarves and hats since last Thursday 26th.  It feels really good!

Taking one day at a time ~

It's all in my Head

Thursday morning was my appointment with the neurologist.  The night before, I had stopped at the lab to pick up the CD of my brain MRI.  He seemed to be very thorough as I answered quite a few questions.  On a side note, he commented on my high arches and gave it a name (he was going to write it down for me, but forgot at the end of the appointment).  He said that "we will deal with that later".  Lots of pin pricks on my feet and testing the reflexes.  I still have some neuropathy.

No signs of MS.  He was actually surprised that my family doctor suggested it.
hmmmm.
No signs of TIAs or stroke.

I've had a history of migraines since I was a young adult, but I haven't had any for at least 20 years. Back then, my migraines would be accompanied by loss of vision, sensitivity to light and numbness around my mouth.  These headaches don't have that. He wants to explore that further.

He ordered an MRV that will show a different view to see if there is a blood clot. I'm waiting for them to call me with the date/time.

My headaches haven't eased up since I complained about them weeks ago.  It's been two years since my vision was checked and I've had trouble focusing while reading.

Eye exam scheduled for Sunday afternoon

Also, I feel like a medicine cabinet and I know that most of the meds have headache listed as a side effect.  He mentioned that my pain medicine will give me headaches. 

What a vicious circle



After that appointment, I went to see my oncologist.  I wasn't scheduled to see her until end of August.  When I got home after work on Wednesday, my veins were extremely pronounced like the last time (hospitalized for blood clots).  1) it was after hours, 2) i've never called her, 3) really didn't want to go to ER .... but, it had me concerned enough to call her.  She told me to come in after my neurology appointment.

No blood clots (not sure how she could tell).  She said it was the heat ... REALLY? It's been sweltering for weeks and my veins weren't bulging.  Then she said glad that I came in anyway, because I have a fungal infection.  REALLY? 

Oh Snap!

She wrote a prescription for 5 pills Fluconazole. More side effects! 

By this time, my head was really pounding





Instead of trying to go to work, I went home and slept.  Which, of course, I didn't sleep well during the night.  The next day (today), I woke up still with a headache.  What's going on?

As today wore on, so did my headache, this time with dizziness.  I left work 2:30 and made it safely home and to bed.  I woke around 5:30 because I really want to be able to sleep tonight.

As I mentioned before

welcome to my roller coaster ride

Aunt Becky's Flowers



By the way, went to work with no scarf or hat.  It felt good! 

Creams

Dr R prescribed a different cream when I saw him July 18.  In just the past week, I've seen a dramatic improvement from the radiation burns and torn skin.  Wow, why didn't he give this to me in the first place?!

Silver Sulfadiazine 1% cream

Others I've tried:

Xclair - no improvement, left stains on everything it touched

Aquaphor - no improvement

Cortizone - helped with the itching

Have a GREAT day!



Beauty in Everything

Wow, can't believe how much I tackled tonight after work. I'm usually down for the count after dinner.  Got the kitchen table completely cleared (mail, flyers, this-n-that). 

Last March, Mandy helped me press some flowers from Rickie's spray.  I had 18 books stacked on the floor in the kitchen with newspaper and flowers neatly arranged between the pages to dry.  It worked well! There are some really beautiful and delicate dried flowers and I hope to create something special.  It's now July .... nice to have that clutter picked up! 



My grandma made a keepsake from my grandpa's funeral flowers.  That was back in 1974.  I still have it, as I'm sure my cousins do as well.

Any creative ideas out there?



Use to be bright yellow



My BFF's mother is on her own journey.  She shared a message she received and gave me permission to share it.  Beautiful ~

Your mom’s shaved head is her badge of courage and unity.  SO many women wear the same badge. Tell her to wear it proudly. It shouts out her spirit, bravery and strength.

Your tears (collectively) are the glue that comes straight from the heart and it binds you all together.  You are far stronger together than alone.  You have no idea how strong you CAN be.

The ache in your heart is actually a strong reminder that you can love others so much.  The more deeply you can love,  the more deeply you can ache.  Unfortunately you cannot have one side of the coin without the other.

Thoughts and prayers ALWAYS.

God Bless – Stay Strong – BE Well
Marshall



Some "Firsts"

I started out wearing my scarf to work today and then got "brave" and took it off....about 4 different times.  I thought I was easing folks into my new look, but I think I was easing myself into it. 

Around the house, out on the porch, to the driveway and back, I'm bareheaded .... and at our family gathering yesterday!

Dumb pose ... but you can see my port on my left arm

My sister had fun snapping some pictures and she did a great job! I'm in the process of uploading to shutterfly. (love that site!)

Today I wore a dress to work.  I've been thinking that this is a "first" as well (after almost 9 years of working there) .... but a co-worker said it was the second.  Thank goodness I have someone to keep me straight.

That's really all I have of the "firsts" .... either I can't remember any more, or I've just run out of them.

So ~ anyway ~

I've been doing some deep thinking, now that my head is getting a little bit clearer.  As the words come and I can articulate them, I shall share.  Until then, 4 words come to mind.

Grace

Mercy

Hope

Love

Once I start to build my strength, I'm going to finish putting up the get well wishes on my wall.  I only have 2 rows up so far (work in progress)

Yarn, push pins, and tiny (craft) clothes pins

Oh, and just a note to those folks who are signed up for the automatic post in your e-mail: Don't forget to check out my blog from time to time.  I have other tabs that don't arrive in your e-mail.  Maybe there is something else that might be of interest as well.

Today is for Family

Today is Sunday .... totally lost all of Saturday.  I'm impatient to get back on track, but my body is telling me otherwise.  We had planned for some time to go see the hot air balloons on Saturday with our friends.  I felt bad to cancel :(  Megan, we are going to the next one for sure!!!

I had a stupid mini meltdown in between my sleep because I kept thinking that everyone is going to expect me to be up and adam with energy.  Hubby reminded me that I had chemo Friday and to give myself a break.  Plus, I work full time and make up my hours that I miss for treatments and doctor appointments. 

Friday's chemo went smoothly.  Nurse Karen gave me a toasty blanket and I leaned back with the pillow and took advantage of the peace.  I then asked for another one .... they feel so good warm from the oven.  It's mighty hot outside, but the air conditioner in the room was blasting.  Fall is my most favorite season.

So, today is a new day ~ I'm looking forward to seeing family and to give my cousin bunches of love to take with her as her unit is being deployed.  Prayers to Laurielle ~

The Last Glow

As I say goodnight to my co-workers each day, I say "leaving to get my glow on."  And the doctor confirmed today that this is my last one. 

Relief

It was bittersweet saying good-bye to the techs, to the nurse, to the cleaning woman and even to the valet attendants.  Their familiar faces, their smiles and the chit-chat we shared over the last 6 weeks....I am grateful for them.

They gave me my mesh, which I'll take a picture of it and add it to this post in a few days. 

The nurse took me back to see Dr R and gave me discharge instructions.

Wow, DISCHARGE instructions!

Music to my ears ~

• Fatigue - pace yourself and get 8 hours of sleep each night
• Pain at sites being treated - take pain medicine as directed
• Skin reaction - continue using ointment given to you until your skin heals. Avoid sun exposure without sunscreen. If sun exposure, use sunscreen with SPF 30 or higher.
• Hair loss at treated site only
• And then the standard watch-outs, i.e. bowel changes, cough, nausea, headaches, etc

Then Dr R comes in and confirms .... it is the LAST radiation session.

He said to avoid sun exposure without sunscreen for the rest of my life.  It will always be that way. 

Good thing I don't frequent the nudist camp anymore.

He said that the hair follicles under my arm may prevent hair growth. No shaving?....

Cool! We should have treated the other side as well. 

He said that the radiation is still working inside of me and that the side effects will get worse over the next 2 weeks.  He prescribed a different cream along with 2 over the counter creams to try.

It feels like someone cut my nipple off with rusty scissors

Was that too graphic? Sorry ~

We discussed some of the difficulties of laying in the prone position (face down) and some possible solutions.  Hopefully, I helped in some small way.

I am scheduled for a follow-up in six weeks.  I can't tell you how relieved I am that this part is over. 

This Friday, Herceptin

Thanks for walking with me thru this part of the journey ~

Peace Be with You



One more to Go, Baby!

Can I get an Amen!

Today, I'm finally starting to think about the things I want to do when I have more energy.  Remember my new year's resolution?  Declutter! Simplify! Control your "things" before they control you ~

In no particular order (just to name a few)



I want to go for a walk .... without pain in my feet and fatigue
I want to go for a bike ride
I want to explore the Metro parks for a full day with my camera
I want to think more clearly
I want to volunteer my time again with things that are important to God
I want to have more energy
I want to make another shutterfly book
I want to take a photography class
I want to take a vacation!
I want to get involved in life again
I want to pay it forward


Tomorrow, my last treatment is 5:00 (instead of 4:30).  I will also see the doctor.  At that time, he will tell me the next step .... hopefully releasing me from my glow sessions.

The moment of truth



My neighborhood

Canzer

Remember, make it mad by misspelling it ~

I'm nearing the end of my radiation treatments.... 6-1/2 weeks.  When people ask me which is worse, chemo or radiation, how can you answer that? They both suck.  By the middle of my cocktails, I really didn't think I was going to survive it.  There were some dark times.  And I can remember telling my husband that if I got canzer again, I'm not doing chemo again.  The pain, the fatigue, the ... everything. 

And now I have

2 more rads left

I should be celebrating and I suppose I will be.  It's just that there is a feeling inside that "2 more blasts and is that enough so it doesn't come back?" 

Certainly, the Herceptin will complete the task. (?) I take that through December. 

Then, the 5 year pill.

My journey isn't ending just yet.  Treatments every  3 weeks (better than every day), doctor's appointments, tests when ordered.  Yep, still walking thru my journey. 

So many others as well

I met a wonderful lady today in the waiting room.  Today was her first day.  Wow, I remember my first day.  Even though our sequence of treatments and our stages were different, we both have cancer.  It affects so many of us.  She was the first in her family, like me. This terrible, complicated disease can just push its way into anyone's life. 

As a reminder, if you come across someone with cancer, treat them like a human being.  Acknowledge them with a smile. Respect them. Don't say stupid stuff (read books if you want to know what not to say)  That person is a mother, daughter, sister, aunt, grandmother, someone's best friend.

Okay, I'm off my soap box now ~ Check out Nancy's post and go from there.


Michelle .... FIGHT!

From Red to Brown

I spent the day with mom.  We went to Applebee's and then to Wallyworld (aka Wal-mart).  Bought a new iron and some of this and that.  Got the movie A Dolphin's Tale that mom wants us to see.  She said the little boy reminds her of Cathy when she was young (tom-boy) with freckles.

Also bought a soft pair of pjs, which I am now wearing with an ultra soft camisole from the breast center. 

The treatment area from the radiation is changing from sunburn red to brown.  Very dry, itchy, tight, painful, raw.  The pain pills aren't even taking the edge off.

I've had some wonderful private messages from friends. You have uplifted me and I am sincerely touched. 

I know it's early, but off to sleep I go!  Peace be with You!

3 more treatments left!!

A New Friend

As I was getting my ball gown on for my glow session, I met a lady who just had her simulation.  We chatted like ol' friends to the point the tech sat down in the waiting room and waited. I gave her my link to my blog and she gave me a book "Healing from Heaven". 

Thank you, Lisa, may your journey be blessed

I'm feeling pretty raw, itchy, red and tired.  Picture a crack on the corner of your mouth and every time you open your mouth, it pulls the wound. Ouch. That is what it feels like.

I am still walking with God and with every fiber of my being.  The brokenness in this world tries to trip me, to see if I will fall.  My feet are planted firmly in the foundation of God.  Others do not see or understand my intentions, but God does.  He knows my heart and I am grateful for that. 

4 more left!





The Boost

Yesterday, treatment was not-so-great. They had to take photos and set up a simulation for the "boost" ... then do the last of the "standard" treatment.  I had some tears leak from my eyes as I tried to deal with the pain of the position.  The placement for my forehead and chin still really hurts. The bottom edge of the rounded out hole presses against my lower rib.  (imagine all four fingers under your rib and pulling up).  The tech told me to take pain meds before coming, which I replied "I drive myself here and home. I can't take my pain meds."  She then said to take Tylenol, Advil or some type of OTC.

The day was full of all kinds of drama.  As a result, my youngest daughter has yet again walked out of our lives.  As much as she said she has changed, her true colors showed loud and clear who she really is.  It breaks a mother's heart.  I would rather be punched in the gut, shot in the heart or stabbed in the back than to witness her holy bible dumped in the trash can.  A very numbing day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today's treatment was just as long as yesterday's.  This time, I took a pain med right before I left work.  By the time I was clamped in, it helped somewhat.  The tech recommended that I take one for the next few treatments.  Today was more photos, films, whatever they were doing

PLUS my first BOOST

6 left!!!

After treatment, the doctor examined me.  I showed her the worst part, which is torn, raw skin in my cleavage. She gave me samples of the Aquaphor and actually apologized for what was happening to me from the treatments.  That was nice of her to say because it isn't her fault at all.  I'm doing well considering I didn't get major red until now and I only have a handful left.

For other news, I went to see my family doctor this morning regarding the MRI ordered because of the frequent headaches.  He wants a neurologist to take a look at the films and assess to rule out things .... oh, when they say that, do I really want to know what "things"?  Guess there are some questions regarding my white matter and my gray matter.  The radiologist that ordered the test mentioned these "matters" to me, but I really wasn't following what he was talking about.

Then Doc W threw me a curve ball. MS.  Really? What is multiple-sclerosis?

The other possibility is migraine headaches.  That's believable, considering I use to get them all the time.

Then, of course, it could be stress headaches.  I mean, the past 8 months have been quite a lot to take in. (but I thought I have been handling it pretty well, considering)

I can't really put into words what I'm feeling right now because I'm still processing it all.  It would be great to get answers to troubling aches and pains .... but then sometimes I feel "do I really want to know?"

Doc W said it is good to find things early. 

That is true.

Neurologist is July 26