What do you see out your back yard?

Looking out the backyard at Casey's place

Saturday morning ~ It's a new day.

Matt and I made it to the airport in plenty of time to get our tickets and go through security.  This was the first time flying in many, many years which means the first time ever of going through security.  A bit confusing, but we managed.  I was taken aside and searched as something in my waistline caused them to question me.  I just had regular jeans on and no belt.  Not sure what they saw, but I was let go to continue through.  I didn't know if my port would set it off (but it is plastic), not sure if the titanium from the biopsy would set it off, but trust me, my sistas aren't down to my waist.  Other than that, was the tats received from radiation.  Oh well, whatever it was, I wonder if it will happen on the trip home.

We flew into Denver by 5:20pm, which was 2 hours earlier than back home.  As we maneuvered through the city and got on the main road to Casey's home, we decided to stop off and get a bite to eat.  It was a wonderful place called DW 285 Diner and our waitress was very friendly and nice.

Bellies full, nice and relaxed, I took the back seat and Matt took the front passenger seat,  while Casey navigated through the mountains.  It was getting dark and the rains began, along with the fog rolling in.  Thankfully, I was laying down or I would have been a nuisance to the driver (and co-pilot).  We pulled in a little before 10pm, which as midnight to us. 

Casey is living in a beautiful home with the homeowner, Clara.  We have been enjoying Clara's little cat, Michipoo, and the hospitality.  Michipoo looks like our Star and Bailey. 

After a nice, quiet night of rest, we got up this morning with enthusiasm to see the sights.  First stop, the local grocery store.  Back home to drop off the food and yes, I took a mini nap.

I didn't want to sleep my vacation away .... once I got up, Casey took us around town and then on the outskirts of town where I got several photos of boulders, mountains and terrain.  After that, we parked in the center of town to enjoy the activities of a festival with vendor booths, and carnival food.  

And that is where we met Chris.  I very nice guy that Casey has been hanging around with.  Funnel cakes and good conversation!

It is 10:45 here (my body is saying 12:40). I'm missing some items of today, but feeling tired. 

Lights out! Church tomorrow ~

I've Come A Long Way

This morning I reported to the center for my Herceptin IV.  I walked into the waiting room full of people who just stared at me.  Probably wondering what my story was .... as is human nature.  Some looked like "newbies"~ a look of fear, apprehension, with a slice of denial.  Today, it really hit me...how far I've come. 

I didn't think I would make it out of cocktail hour

Chemo sucks



Nurse Karen attended to me again.  I also got to say hi to Nurse Tracy and Nurse Dawn.  They all commented on my hair and how well I was looking.  (maybe my new glasses are making a difference).  They take such good care of all the patients with a pleasant bed side manner and compassion.  I know that I'm in good hands. 

I asked when I should be getting another Echo for my heart (done for patients on Herceptin).  My last one was January 10 .... wonder if it is time.  Karen is getting a message to my doc and I'll remind her at my next appointment.

April was when I finished cocktail hour and it is now August.  A lot has happened in the last 4 months.  I am so very thankful for the words of encouragement, the prayers, the patience of those around me, of God's mercy and love. 

I have received 3 wonderful cards with 3 beautiful angels in them from http://www.smilingstitches.com/secretangelstitchers.html

Not sure how I got on their mailing list, but I am very grateful for their gifts and words of encouragement.  I will be sharing more on my blog about them when I get back home.

Tomorrow is Vacation!

Catching the plane to Colorado

I've made my piles to pack in the suitcase and we have made arrangements for our pets. We are definitely ready for some gorgeous blue sky, majestic mountains, a slower pace, meeting new friends and of course many hugs from my daughter.

Taking my laptop

Will keep in touch!





Last time I was there, I had hair!

Slept the Weekend Away.....Again

You're not going to believe this .... I got home Friday and put my comfy pj's on and didn't get dressed until Monday morning for work. 

Of course, I showered first

Again, slept the weekend away. I'm very glad hubby is patient with me.  There is always so much that I want to tackle, but by the end of the week and working full time, I'm exhausted.

Can't WAIT for VACATION!  Flying out this Friday.

I'm no longer scared about flying.  As one gracious friend pointed out, I made it through cancer treatments, how in the world can I be scared of flying?

She's got a point ~

I picked up my new glasses today and getting use to the style and new script. With progressive lenses, I have to tilt my head just so in order to see clearly. 

More hair coming in .... with these new glasses, I'm really looking my age! Oh well, bound to happen sooner or later.

Really hoping to read a book again .... I miss it so ~

Romans 8:38 ~

  "For I am convinced that neither death nor life,

neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future,

nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in

Christ Jesus our Lord."



MRV

I went to the health center after work for my MRV.  No problems, except they lost my work order .... the tech remembered receiving it and knew what was instructed.

No contrast required! Yay!

This test took less than 15 minutes ... the last one was an hour long (and with contrast).

So, I will await the results ~

In other news:

Each day I wake up, my hair is fuller.  I use to part my hair in the middle and right now, there is no sign of parts.  That makes me wonder if I get to train my hair in a different way.  I see shimmers and think it is some gray peeking through.  That's ok :)

Tomorrow is Friday!  Looking forward to it.  There is so much to accomplish before our vacation next week.   Heading for Colorado to see my oldest daughter and getting some much needed R&R.  Matt hasn't been there yet, so I'm excited to share the experience with him. 

Off work for 10 consecutive days!



Never Feel Alone

Wednesday night bible study.  Matt has been going, but this was my first time.  I missed getting together in small group studies and I enjoyed it very much. 

A friend of mine, Leon, wrote to tell me to read Romans again (which I'm doing once my new glasses come in).  Our group leader tonight mentioned Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose."

As I mentioned before, I never asked "God, why me?"  I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.  It never ceases to amaze me of all the conversations I've had with women (and some men) about cancer.  Either they know someone with cancer or they had their own battle.  There is a feeling of "connection" and it helps to not feel so alone. And I can give God glory by my testimony.

Even our care takers need to feel connected.  Thank you, Ron, for taking time to see Matt.  He was on cloud nine!

MRV

The MRV has been scheduled for August 2.  I really don't want to go to anymore doctors or get anymore tests.  I think this whole headache thing is a combination of stress, cancer treatment, medicine and vision.

I had my eyes checked Sunday afternoon and ordered new glasses.  I bet that will help.

Been without my scarves and hats since last Thursday 26th.  It feels really good!

Taking one day at a time ~

It's all in my Head

Thursday morning was my appointment with the neurologist.  The night before, I had stopped at the lab to pick up the CD of my brain MRI.  He seemed to be very thorough as I answered quite a few questions.  On a side note, he commented on my high arches and gave it a name (he was going to write it down for me, but forgot at the end of the appointment).  He said that "we will deal with that later".  Lots of pin pricks on my feet and testing the reflexes.  I still have some neuropathy.

No signs of MS.  He was actually surprised that my family doctor suggested it.
hmmmm.
No signs of TIAs or stroke.

I've had a history of migraines since I was a young adult, but I haven't had any for at least 20 years. Back then, my migraines would be accompanied by loss of vision, sensitivity to light and numbness around my mouth.  These headaches don't have that. He wants to explore that further.

He ordered an MRV that will show a different view to see if there is a blood clot. I'm waiting for them to call me with the date/time.

My headaches haven't eased up since I complained about them weeks ago.  It's been two years since my vision was checked and I've had trouble focusing while reading.

Eye exam scheduled for Sunday afternoon

Also, I feel like a medicine cabinet and I know that most of the meds have headache listed as a side effect.  He mentioned that my pain medicine will give me headaches. 

What a vicious circle



After that appointment, I went to see my oncologist.  I wasn't scheduled to see her until end of August.  When I got home after work on Wednesday, my veins were extremely pronounced like the last time (hospitalized for blood clots).  1) it was after hours, 2) i've never called her, 3) really didn't want to go to ER .... but, it had me concerned enough to call her.  She told me to come in after my neurology appointment.

No blood clots (not sure how she could tell).  She said it was the heat ... REALLY? It's been sweltering for weeks and my veins weren't bulging.  Then she said glad that I came in anyway, because I have a fungal infection.  REALLY? 

Oh Snap!

She wrote a prescription for 5 pills Fluconazole. More side effects! 

By this time, my head was really pounding





Instead of trying to go to work, I went home and slept.  Which, of course, I didn't sleep well during the night.  The next day (today), I woke up still with a headache.  What's going on?

As today wore on, so did my headache, this time with dizziness.  I left work 2:30 and made it safely home and to bed.  I woke around 5:30 because I really want to be able to sleep tonight.

As I mentioned before

welcome to my roller coaster ride

Aunt Becky's Flowers



By the way, went to work with no scarf or hat.  It felt good! 

Creams

Dr R prescribed a different cream when I saw him July 18.  In just the past week, I've seen a dramatic improvement from the radiation burns and torn skin.  Wow, why didn't he give this to me in the first place?!

Silver Sulfadiazine 1% cream

Others I've tried:

Xclair - no improvement, left stains on everything it touched

Aquaphor - no improvement

Cortizone - helped with the itching

Have a GREAT day!



Beauty in Everything

Wow, can't believe how much I tackled tonight after work. I'm usually down for the count after dinner.  Got the kitchen table completely cleared (mail, flyers, this-n-that). 

Last March, Mandy helped me press some flowers from Rickie's spray.  I had 18 books stacked on the floor in the kitchen with newspaper and flowers neatly arranged between the pages to dry.  It worked well! There are some really beautiful and delicate dried flowers and I hope to create something special.  It's now July .... nice to have that clutter picked up! 



My grandma made a keepsake from my grandpa's funeral flowers.  That was back in 1974.  I still have it, as I'm sure my cousins do as well.

Any creative ideas out there?



Use to be bright yellow



My BFF's mother is on her own journey.  She shared a message she received and gave me permission to share it.  Beautiful ~

Your mom’s shaved head is her badge of courage and unity.  SO many women wear the same badge. Tell her to wear it proudly. It shouts out her spirit, bravery and strength.

Your tears (collectively) are the glue that comes straight from the heart and it binds you all together.  You are far stronger together than alone.  You have no idea how strong you CAN be.

The ache in your heart is actually a strong reminder that you can love others so much.  The more deeply you can love,  the more deeply you can ache.  Unfortunately you cannot have one side of the coin without the other.

Thoughts and prayers ALWAYS.

God Bless – Stay Strong – BE Well
Marshall



Some "Firsts"

I started out wearing my scarf to work today and then got "brave" and took it off....about 4 different times.  I thought I was easing folks into my new look, but I think I was easing myself into it. 

Around the house, out on the porch, to the driveway and back, I'm bareheaded .... and at our family gathering yesterday!

Dumb pose ... but you can see my port on my left arm

My sister had fun snapping some pictures and she did a great job! I'm in the process of uploading to shutterfly. (love that site!)

Today I wore a dress to work.  I've been thinking that this is a "first" as well (after almost 9 years of working there) .... but a co-worker said it was the second.  Thank goodness I have someone to keep me straight.

That's really all I have of the "firsts" .... either I can't remember any more, or I've just run out of them.

So ~ anyway ~

I've been doing some deep thinking, now that my head is getting a little bit clearer.  As the words come and I can articulate them, I shall share.  Until then, 4 words come to mind.

Grace

Mercy

Hope

Love

Once I start to build my strength, I'm going to finish putting up the get well wishes on my wall.  I only have 2 rows up so far (work in progress)

Yarn, push pins, and tiny (craft) clothes pins

Oh, and just a note to those folks who are signed up for the automatic post in your e-mail: Don't forget to check out my blog from time to time.  I have other tabs that don't arrive in your e-mail.  Maybe there is something else that might be of interest as well.

Today is for Family

Today is Sunday .... totally lost all of Saturday.  I'm impatient to get back on track, but my body is telling me otherwise.  We had planned for some time to go see the hot air balloons on Saturday with our friends.  I felt bad to cancel :(  Megan, we are going to the next one for sure!!!

I had a stupid mini meltdown in between my sleep because I kept thinking that everyone is going to expect me to be up and adam with energy.  Hubby reminded me that I had chemo Friday and to give myself a break.  Plus, I work full time and make up my hours that I miss for treatments and doctor appointments. 

Friday's chemo went smoothly.  Nurse Karen gave me a toasty blanket and I leaned back with the pillow and took advantage of the peace.  I then asked for another one .... they feel so good warm from the oven.  It's mighty hot outside, but the air conditioner in the room was blasting.  Fall is my most favorite season.

So, today is a new day ~ I'm looking forward to seeing family and to give my cousin bunches of love to take with her as her unit is being deployed.  Prayers to Laurielle ~

The Last Glow

As I say goodnight to my co-workers each day, I say "leaving to get my glow on."  And the doctor confirmed today that this is my last one. 

Relief

It was bittersweet saying good-bye to the techs, to the nurse, to the cleaning woman and even to the valet attendants.  Their familiar faces, their smiles and the chit-chat we shared over the last 6 weeks....I am grateful for them.

They gave me my mesh, which I'll take a picture of it and add it to this post in a few days. 

The nurse took me back to see Dr R and gave me discharge instructions.

Wow, DISCHARGE instructions!

Music to my ears ~

• Fatigue - pace yourself and get 8 hours of sleep each night
• Pain at sites being treated - take pain medicine as directed
• Skin reaction - continue using ointment given to you until your skin heals. Avoid sun exposure without sunscreen. If sun exposure, use sunscreen with SPF 30 or higher.
• Hair loss at treated site only
• And then the standard watch-outs, i.e. bowel changes, cough, nausea, headaches, etc

Then Dr R comes in and confirms .... it is the LAST radiation session.

He said to avoid sun exposure without sunscreen for the rest of my life.  It will always be that way. 

Good thing I don't frequent the nudist camp anymore.

He said that the hair follicles under my arm may prevent hair growth. No shaving?....

Cool! We should have treated the other side as well. 

He said that the radiation is still working inside of me and that the side effects will get worse over the next 2 weeks.  He prescribed a different cream along with 2 over the counter creams to try.

It feels like someone cut my nipple off with rusty scissors

Was that too graphic? Sorry ~

We discussed some of the difficulties of laying in the prone position (face down) and some possible solutions.  Hopefully, I helped in some small way.

I am scheduled for a follow-up in six weeks.  I can't tell you how relieved I am that this part is over. 

This Friday, Herceptin

Thanks for walking with me thru this part of the journey ~

Peace Be with You



One more to Go, Baby!

Can I get an Amen!

Today, I'm finally starting to think about the things I want to do when I have more energy.  Remember my new year's resolution?  Declutter! Simplify! Control your "things" before they control you ~

In no particular order (just to name a few)



I want to go for a walk .... without pain in my feet and fatigue
I want to go for a bike ride
I want to explore the Metro parks for a full day with my camera
I want to think more clearly
I want to volunteer my time again with things that are important to God
I want to have more energy
I want to make another shutterfly book
I want to take a photography class
I want to take a vacation!
I want to get involved in life again
I want to pay it forward


Tomorrow, my last treatment is 5:00 (instead of 4:30).  I will also see the doctor.  At that time, he will tell me the next step .... hopefully releasing me from my glow sessions.

The moment of truth



My neighborhood

Canzer

Remember, make it mad by misspelling it ~

I'm nearing the end of my radiation treatments.... 6-1/2 weeks.  When people ask me which is worse, chemo or radiation, how can you answer that? They both suck.  By the middle of my cocktails, I really didn't think I was going to survive it.  There were some dark times.  And I can remember telling my husband that if I got canzer again, I'm not doing chemo again.  The pain, the fatigue, the ... everything. 

And now I have

2 more rads left

I should be celebrating and I suppose I will be.  It's just that there is a feeling inside that "2 more blasts and is that enough so it doesn't come back?" 

Certainly, the Herceptin will complete the task. (?) I take that through December. 

Then, the 5 year pill.

My journey isn't ending just yet.  Treatments every  3 weeks (better than every day), doctor's appointments, tests when ordered.  Yep, still walking thru my journey. 

So many others as well

I met a wonderful lady today in the waiting room.  Today was her first day.  Wow, I remember my first day.  Even though our sequence of treatments and our stages were different, we both have cancer.  It affects so many of us.  She was the first in her family, like me. This terrible, complicated disease can just push its way into anyone's life. 

As a reminder, if you come across someone with cancer, treat them like a human being.  Acknowledge them with a smile. Respect them. Don't say stupid stuff (read books if you want to know what not to say)  That person is a mother, daughter, sister, aunt, grandmother, someone's best friend.

Okay, I'm off my soap box now ~ Check out Nancy's post and go from there.


Michelle .... FIGHT!