Love & Support

This afternoon, Katrina hand delivered cards from work and most humbling, money from a fundraiser my co-workers organized and participated in.  We can't even put into words how grateful we are and how much we appreciate the love and support that we feel from so many wonderful people.  How blessed we are.  How honored we are to call them friends.  The waterworks flow easily now.

Food was also delivered too.... me? at a loss for words? ....

If I could climb to the top of a mountain, I would shout to the four corners of earth to proclaim GOD IS GOOD ... ALL THE TIME  and ALL THE TIME... GOD IS GOOD.


Getting Ready

We spent time writing about Rickie to have at the funeral home.  Tomorrow will be spent selecting from all the photos gathered and placing them on poster boards.  CD mix of music. Final touches on the memorial cards (picked out Thomas Kincaid).

Needless to say, a few more days off work ~

Follow-up from Chemo #3

Matt took me to Doc Esther this morning.  I had it in my mind that if she couldn't tell me if the chemo was working, then I was done.  I'm weak and just not really feeling like doing this anymore.  After they took my blood, I sat and waited ... lost in thought.  A few times, the tears flowed of everything that has happened over the past few months.  Then, I began to think about the women I know whose stages are more advanced than mine.  How much more they are going through and I had absolutely no right to sit there and whine.  I'm just tired. No, it's more than just tired ... fatigued.  Not quite right either ... what is a word that can describe being absolutely exhausted?

To her credit, she didn't try to sugar-coat it.  She gave me her full attention and listened.  Because we are not shrinking a tumor, she can not give me the answer to "is the treatment working".  She can only tell me that based on my HER2 protein that statistics say that what treatment I'm getting now can help prevent it from coming back.  Hmmmm, not quite the reassurance I needed to make a decision.  Then, back to the women I have in my mind and in my heart....and back to my daughters and my husband and my family.... ok, I'll stick with it.....

Doc said that there may be a time before all this is over too when I won't be able to go back to work for awhile.  Reduced hours still might be too much.  Ok, looks like I will have to cross that road when I get there.  I reminded her that I'm the only paycheck in the house right now.  She understood.  I was also denied my cancer policy because it became effective Jan 1 and I was diagnosed Dec 7.  She said she would help me appeal it (although I don't know how to change their minds).  Do you?

The blood counts came back and she liked the numbers.  So, the Neulasta is working.  She said that I'm a tad dehydrated, but not bad enough for fluid IV.  (that's good) Doc also told me to eat more junk food (now what doctor would tell you that?) Guess I dropped a few pounds.  She said junk food tastes good and it has calories. ahhhhhh

I asked her again the details for the rest of my treatments.  She is going to adjust next week's chemo .... last chemo should be end of April.  Then 6 weeks of daily radiation.  Then 11 treatments of Herceptin.  Basically, treatments for the remainder of 2012.

What a year ~

Tomorrow, it is my plan to make it to work.  I'm praying for the courage and the strength.

Patchwork of life

Saying Good-bye for Different Reasons

The past 24+ hours have been saying good-bye for different reasons.

Two Father Figures ~

We celebrated the life of Mr. White and yes, I mean celebrated.  To hear of this man's touch in so many lives was astounding.  He certainly had enough energy to pull a locomotive.  As I battle the affects of chemo, it is difficult to imagine myself with even an ounce of energy.

We then made the final arrangements for Pa. When death comes unexpectedly, a flurry of activity ensues.  There are so many decisions to make and a long list of things to take care of.  Rickie's laughter and caring will be missed and the void in our lives can only be replaced with our fond memories. 

And yesterday, we also said a farewell to my mom as she is going to the Carolina's for a few months with my sister.  They are in transit now.  Unfortunately, I didn't get to spend much time with them yesterday after the funeral ... again, my stupid energy level was too low.  I only get to see my sister a couple of times a year.  And, once again, I had to say my farewells to her and Mel.

Death always brings reflections.  If you remember, I boasted my new year's resolution as "de-cluttering" my piles.  Sad to say that I haven't even started.  But, it MUST be done.  There is no way I want my family to have to sort through all this STUFF. 

And reflections of my own life and how are people going to remember me? What kind of legacy am I leaving?  What kind of legacy are you leaving?

If you want to get to know me, this is one of my top 10 songs.  Enjoy the message ~

Another Day of Trying

I didn't get much done today ~ was in bed most of the day. I really need some energy and strength.

Matt and his brother were at Rickie's place packing up.  There is so much to do.  What do people do about taxes? bills? stuff like that?  I'm sure we will have to go through probate too.

Mr. White's funeral is tomorrow.  And, my sister will be up from S. Carolina for just the day.  Then, mom will be traveling back with her on Sunday. 

We are hoping to know a funeral date for Rickie by Monday.  I've requested that day off as well just trying to get things done.  If we have a choice for the funeral, we are looking at Wednesday March 7.

Aunt Dar and cousin Misty came over tonight and we had a wonderful time of story telling.  I am so glad they were here. 

That's it for now. Good-nite.

What Happens if You Die on Feb 29?

It is with great sadness to write about the loss of my father-in-law, Rickie.  We received the phone call from work that Rickie had collapsed and CPR was being administered.  The EMTs were frantically working on him all the way out to the squad. 

I got Matt out the door heading to the hospital and I made the calls to family to meet him there.  I couldn't go, as I was way too weak. 

Matt called. He was dead on arrival. 

Only 57 ~ I can tell you that he was with people who cared about him.  They reacted quickly and he was not alone.  He was with people who cared about me and Matt too.  Rickie worked where I work and a few years ago, Matt did too.  A family owned business with a lot of heart. 




The medical examiner called us today and said he had a really bad heart and that there was nothing anybody could have done.  He died immediately.  For me, that is a God send...anytime there is no suffering is a God send. 

Feb 29 - 3:16pm.  I haven't been to work since my last chemo.  If I would have been there, I would have been in the ambulance with him.  How very sad.

So, what do we do next year? What do people do when there is an important event in your life and it falls on leap year?  I have no clue.

We are trying to put all the pieces together.  No will. No power of attorney. No life insurance policy.  Funeral homes want the money up front.  I know God will provide. He always does. 

We did contact Newcomers and think that we will go with them.  And we will definitely make it a time of day that his co-workers can pay their respect. 

For now, we just want to thank everyone for their words of comfort.  We always appreciate prayer.  A friend sent this video today and it is wonderfully moving.

It's Tuesday

First Tuesday I missed work after chemo.  I am really hurting so I'm glad I'm home.  I slept most of the day away (again).  Mom came over and made homemade chicken soup, yummy.  The good news is I didn't get that metallic taste in my mouth this time around. 

I'm heading for work tomorrow.  Matt wants to drive and I have no problem with that! My legs aren't working so great. 

Jasmine got a job today! In today's economy, it has been difficult for so many. She is very excited and we wish her the best of luck!

Casey had her first emergency call today.  A husband took his own life.  It is sad when someone feels so desperate that they take this final action.  All life has value.  I know you are valued each and every day.  Our prayers are with that family and with my daughter as she begins this type of journey in life.  God is calling her.

Is He calling you?

Day 4 - After Chemo #3

I'm beginning to hit my low again, I can feel the tears well up inside.  This time, it has to do with changes in my life.  Generally, I can handle changes ~ open my arms and embrace them? ~ not without a lot of questions first.  Plan A, Plan B, what about this, what about that.... What I have to rest assure is that God will take care of me whatever changes come my way.  I know this is cryptic, but since it is a public site, I'm going to leave it like that.

Just got done with another nose bleed.  yuck

Yesterday, the bone crunching was intense.  It's like my knee caps were on backwards.  Reminds me of an alien movie I saw where the alien's legs bent like a grasshopper.  Sort of like how I feel and walk.  The cane I bought last week is helping.  A very cool cane that collapses and fits in my purse.  It gets me up and down the stairs too. 

I didn't go to work today and will probably take Tuesday off as well.  Last time, I wish I had ... so I'm basing it off that. 



Life seems SURREAL.  Pinch me .... am I really here?

Day 2 - after Chemo #3

I slept most of Saturday away.  Trying to keep the pain under control, which means that I fall asleep a lot taking pain medication.  That's okay. Sleep is helping my body recover too.

Starting the coumadin again .... Just 1 pill! then 1-1/2.  I just took 7 different pills, so you can see how confusing this can be.

My sister/husband made dinner for us tonight.  It was fabulous and I could taste it! I'm spoiled rotten.

I'm so behind on thank you cards and letter writing.  I want to send a note to my Aunt Midge this weekend.  I use to be an excellent pen-pal (before computers).  We moved so many times during my school years and I loved to write my friends.  It is a lost art.  With quick e-mails and instant texting, the rich flavor of words have disappeared.  I use to write short stories and use descriptive words.... I liked the poem I wrote of my sister.  Visual.

Pathway

May God Bless you today ~

The Day After - Chemo #3

Last night after getting ready for bed, I made the decision not to go into work today.  The first Friday I missed after chemo.  I was just too exhausted to think about getting up early and putting in a full day.  I'm ever so glad I made that decision.

I slept on & off most of the day with the company of all my animals (boy, they can sleep A LOT!)  Watched a John Wayne comedy (yes, he made a comedy) called McClintock. Loved it!

Took off for the cancer center for my shot of Neulasta. We braved the high winds today and I wore my leopard hat that is snug fitting ... so windy my hair would have blown off my scalp, if I had any!  The nurse was "petting" my hat because it's soft as a kitty.  Nurse Bev, from yesterday, left a magazine for me of photographs of extreme sports.  Awesome photos from exotic places .... oh, how I wish I could go to places and capture everything breathtaking.  Anyway, (back to the shot) .... nurse had me hold the syringe to warm it up while she was getting things ready.  It was cold and she said it burns going in if the fluid is cold.  Did my best to warm it up!  Easy-peazy, no pain going in!  Continue taking the Clairton to ease the bone and muscle pain that is suppose to last 3-4 days.  Hoping to feel like a new woman!

We stopped by mom's to pick up dinner she made for us.  It was good to visit .... as I haven't seen her much since all this started.  Little sister is picking her up next weekend and taking her south for a few months.  She is so excited and I know that it is definitely time for her to get out of the 4 walls and do something different and in warmer climate. 

Debbie sent over this video that is very worthy of sharing.  Hope it moves you

It's A Good Day

Teri reading her book

Teri & I arrived on time for the THIRD round of cocktails.  I was hoping for the corner suite like last time .... guess what! I actually have my own room this time! With a door, a sink, and a TV.  How awesome is that, lol ~

Last week during my follow up, my numbers were really low.  Nurse Bev explained that treatment could be delayed if my numbers didn't come up.  So, we had our fingers crossed, said a little prayer and waited.  John, intern from Malone, is on site learning today.  Of course I had to mention my daughter who is graduating from Malone with a masters, where she is and what she is doing, ya-da-ya-da-ya-da. 

Any way, I got all prepped with the IV in the port.

Christina (pharmacist) came in to discuss my pain levels and side effects since the last treatment.  She also explained more about the Neulasta and gave me Clairiton to help with the side effects from it.  More bone pain .... just great :(  My shot is 4:00 Friday and then every time after chemo to boost my white blood cells.

Nurse Bev and John came in doing the happy dance with jazz hands! My levels are good! My liver and kidneys are up for it as well.  Everything is a go!


Signing off for now to get ready for my cocktails ~










It's almost 7pm now and I thought I would write a quick update and then hit the hay for work tomorrow.

My counts did come back at good enough levels to go ahead with chemo today.  But, I really messed up on the coumadin.  The 1-1/2 pill was every other day ... I was taking it every day.  The INR test came back 4.75 - CRITICAL PANIC HIGH.  Normal level is between 2.0-3.0.  oops.  Doc Esther explained again how to take it and I was confused.  Even the nurse was somewhat confused.  But we got it.  Don't take it until Saturday.  Got it.  Then on Saturday take 1 pill. On Sunday, 1-1/2 Pill and then alternate.  I really thought she said 1-1/2 pill every day...plus it wasn't written down at her office. 

I fell asleep right away again from the meds.  Everything went pretty smooth.  I took my dance partner (IV stand) and gave out Purell to my neighbors.  That is always fun to do.

We got done at 3:30 today and made our way to Subway. And, I got spinach on my sub to help lower my coumadin numbers.

Well, my brain isn't working very well so I'll sign off for now.  Good night :)

Shot in the Arm

This news story came on today about Tom and Laura who own a coffee and tea shop in Independence, OH.  Their story is heartwarming and if you live in the area, stop by on Wednesday, Feb 29 between 5:00pm-7:30pm.  They are the only locally owned coffee shop in the area.

Take a listen to their story

Brielle's

@briellescoffee

Brielle's Coffee & Tea Room Muffins, Cookies, Scones baked fresh Lunch Entrees, Catering, Box Lunches, gatherings and meetings. (216) 642-9292

6523 RT 21 Independence     

Methotrexate Shortage has Ceased!

Response from the Critical Shortage Post

Dear Carol,
We are pleased to share with you that this morning, the FDA reported that the preservative-free methotrexate shortage has ceased.

Based on quick action by numerous pharmaceutical companies, and thanks to your calls and letters, preservative-free methotrexate is being produced and shipped to hospitals and treatment centers in need. Many companies who were not major producers of the drug, or in some cases, were not making the preservative-free version at all, have increased or begun production in order to stop the shortage. The FDA believes that based on new production schedules, the shortage will be completely resolved.
CureSearch, along with the children's cancer community, continues to work with the FDA and Congress to ensure that in the future, such shortages do not occur at all.

Thank you for making your voice heard. You truly made a difference in ensuring that treatment continues, uninterrupted, for children with ALL and osteosarcoma.
Sincerely,
                    Erica Neufeld
                    Vice President of Communications and Advocacy
Erica.Neufeld@CureSearch.org
(240) 235-2201

R.I.P.

The White's Farm - God's Country

We received the news today that our wonderful friend, Mr. White, went home to be with the Lord today.  He fought a courageous battle with cancer but is a testimony of miracles.

Dear Father, I ask that you be with the family right now.  Guide them through this journey of loss.  I pray that Jim's transition to your arms is GLORIOUS where he no longer suffers and is forever at peace. 

One day, Lord, we will have a reunion that will bring down the barn roof! When we will worship YOU and praise YOU for all eternity! 

We have not really lost him, for we know exactly where he is!

More cocktails a'coming Thursday!

I'm SOOOO excited for my next treatment Thursday! Why, you might ask?  Because I'm SOOOO tired! I plan to sleep most of the day away.  PLUS, it will be the half-way point of my chemo cocktail. 

I'll find out what time Friday that I will get the shot to boost my white blood cell count.  Looking forward to that too as I feel so drained.

Family is gearing up for meals during my bad days.  Don't be jealous ... 'cause they are EXCELLENT cooks!  Our Family Recipes are shared on blogspot.

Have a blessed day!