# 3 - Anniversary

It's hard to believe! 


December 9, 2011 was the day I received my diagnosis.


December 14, 2012 was my last Herceptin drip and


December 20, 2012 my port was removed.

How can time

feel like yesterday

and also

feel like a life time ago

at the same time?

I've "Graduated"

On February 11, I had my 3 month visit with my oncologist, Doc Esther.  She was running late and just as she was starting to take my information, a phone call from ICU pulled her back out.  That is definitely more important than my check-up.  So, I tried to occupy myself while waiting.

During the exam, our small talk turned into who we were named after, other names of her siblings and "older" names that aren't used very much.  How many children do you know with the name "Carol"?  Esther is a good Biblical name.

Needless to say, I forgot to tell her the areas that were painful.  I know, I know .... first time I didn't write a list for her. Who am I to try to remember the things I wanted to relay to her?  If it is any consolation, I did remember to show her 2 moles and she said they were nothing to worry about.

Right before she hurried off to the next patient, she said "You've now graduated from 3 month visits to every 6 months".

Progress.

Annual Mammogram

On January 13, 2014, I had my "annual" mammogram.  I went back to the place (Reflections) that had originally found my cancer in 2011 ... talk about deja vu! This would make the 2nd mammogram since my diagnosis.  Surgery sites on both breasts and you might ask ... did it hurt?

Yes! Bloody hell it did!

The technician was great though and the intensity only lasted for a bit.  After I left, my mind settled down and I placed all thoughts in a corner shelf in my mind.

On January 21, I received my results via US mail. I must admit that my hands were shaking a tad as I opened the envelope!

When I was diagnosed, I received a phone call a few short days after my mammogram. So this time, when a week passed, I was thinking positive thoughts. Piece of cake ~

Thank you, God, for watching over me!

Arimidex vs Tamoxifen

I have been taking Arimidex since August 2012. As the months go by, my pains are more extreme. My husband is the only one I really "show" just how bad.  After all, I'm in remission. I should be "all better now". That is what most folks think. They don't understand that poison streamed through my body killing cancer cells AND my good cells.  It takes time to repair, it takes time to get your strength back.

I don't mean to sound so whiny

I am very grateful that I have made it this far through "my journey".  I do try to have a smile on my face, stay out of "my bubble" and focus on others (thank God for the type of job I have),  and I get up every day to go to work.  I have to.  The mornings are the hardest .... that is when the pain is the worst.

So, Sept 12 I had a visit with my favorite oncologist to discuss my meds.

Quality of Life VS Recurrence 

Taking the estrogen blocker will give me a 40% chance of keeping cancer away .... at least this type of cancer.  I'm HER2 protein positive and estrogen receptor positive.  Just a little aggressive and mean-spirited.

Doc changed my meds to Tamoxifen, stating that I should start to feel  better in about a month and the bone pain will not be a side effect.  She said that the worry would be blood clots, uterus cancer (don't have one of those, so I should be good on that count).   I came home and looked it up on WebMD to read the reviews from other patients.  Looks like the same kind of complaints as Arimidex patients.

They don't call it "practicing medicine" for nothing!

I've given my life to God and I will give Him this too.  My church family gave me a prayer cloth anointed with oil and their prayers.  It is precious to me.

I'll be sure to keep you posted .... still living in the moment, each day at a time.

What Rock do you stand on?

Originally posted Saturday September 14, 2013

2014 - The Year of Adventure

It has been a while since writing on the blog.  I just moved some posts from In This Together BCS to my original blog .... so you will see about 7 of them that actually belong in the year 2013.  I'm not sure if I'll continue writing (not sure if anyone is reading), but I wanted to combine my posts because I can turn my blog into a book.  I thought this would be a nice keepsake.

I have to look at my timeline to really remember the "whens" and "whats" of the past 2-1/2 years.

December 2011 - Diagnosed

2012 - Treatment

2013 - Recovery

and now we come to 2014 .... I have decided to call it the year of adventure!  I want to DO something! I want to explore! I want to take my camera and capture unique and beautiful things through my lens! I want to check off things from my bucket list!  Even though my pain has returned (same as when I was on Arimidex), I want to do these things.

What do YOU want to do?

Oh, hey, check out my beautiful sister, Christie ~ A picture of health!

Tamoxifen - Day 50

It's a miracle! The effects of my last estrogen blocker, Arimidex, is practically out of my body. And, boy, do I feel so much better!

I don't think I will get to 100%, but 50 days into the change of meds, I sure am feeling like me again.
Celebrated with a new cut, color and style!

Originally Posted Thursday October 31, 2013

Planning Our First Event

Christie is a creative woman who has many, many wonderful ideas.  When she feels a project coming on, the wheels start spinning, ideas start flying and thoughts are written down on anything handy.

See that  book of notes?  If you remember, you are lucky....(joke).....what I was going to say: If you remember, there is such a thing as chemo brain.  It is hard to hold onto a thought.  We just have to write down everything! One page has a sentence written on it, but it is upside down on the page.  It was funny to watch her when she noticed it, "huh, wonder how that happened."

See that phone in hand?  It has the latest technology, apps, internet connection and all.  Constantly ready to keep the ideas rolling ... at all 24 hours of the day.

The current project is our very first event ~ A celebration of our win against breast cancer.  I can guarantee that with Christie's ability as a public speaker and teacher, this will be informative with a flair of wit, laughter and thought-provoking revelations.

So, where do I come in?

Well, I'm the "sounding-board", the ying to her yang, and the organizer of these ideas.   Not the planner, (not going to happen), the organizer.  My hundred years of office work will come in handy as we begin to lift off the non-profit inthistogether.org

Oh, how I love Microsoft OneNote!!! (check it out if you haven't seen it).  That is my job this weekend. Creating our notebook, sync it on sis's computer and teach her how to navigate.

She is going to LOVE it! 

After this event, we will welcome feedback, collect more ideas, tweak it here and there and then .... take it on the road.

In between all of that, we are looking for our Board of Directors.

The divine appointments over the past few weeks have multiplied.  We are both meeting women who want to get involved by using their God-given talents.  As they tell us their stories of their own journey or of a loved one, an instant connection is made.  And, of course, a hug is freely given ~

Originally Posted Saturday September 28, 2013

Tamoxifen - 1 Week

One o'clock in the morning - after waking up ump-teen times, I decided to stay up for a bit.  Took 2 more pain pills and logged on.  I've had some inquiries about the effects of the Tamoxifen.  Can't say it is any better than Arimidex ... yet, it's only been a week.

The pain is intense and I just wish I could describe it in a way to make myself understood.  I'm trying not to let this show at work and when I come home in the evening, I collapse.

My bones feel like they have been smashed by a sledge-hammer.  The shredded pieces like glass in my hands, arms, knees, legs, feet, ankles.  Today, my left elbow feels like I hit it against something hard.  I'm still bruising very easily. I'm hunched over like I'm 110 years old.  It is worse in the morning, and now seems to carry throughout the day.  I'm starting to have menstrual pains (I don't have a uterus and no cycles for 11 years).  What's that about?  My surgery sites (original surgery, plus nodes under my right arm, and reconstruction on my left side) all produce stabbing pain.  Sometimes the pain hits unexpectedly that I "yelp" out loud.  That can be embarrassing in public.

I tenderly hold my hands, softly rubbing to help ease the stiffness.  My neck and back ache so much.

So, this is the medicine to keep cancer away.  It sucks.

I've completed year 1 of 5 ~ can I endure 4 more?

I'm falling apart

Originally posted Saturday September 21, 2013

Thrive!

Tonight was a long time coming .... A celebration dinner with my good friend "M" and my sister, Christie.  M & I had planned to get together after our treatments were done to celebrate coming through to the other side (M was diagnosed 2 days before I was).  When Christie was diagnosed, we then decided to wait until the three of us could come together and make a toast to success!

Tonight was it! Panara's.... yummmmm

I was thrilled to introduce the 2 of them and tickled pink when we giggled like school girls as we shared our more humorous stories.  And the conversation doesn't always have to be about cancer.  We shared about our families, our learnings from our experiences and how it changed our outlook in life (ok, alot of it was "because of cancer") and just enjoyed each other's company.

Chemo brain was a huge part of our laughter as one of us would start a thought and then forget what we were going to say... and then the other 2 would have to try to remember key words of what was being said in order for the memory to jolt back into the moment.  If you don't get it, don't worry about it!  It truly is a memory loss that only a chemo cocktail can promote!

I thought it very interesting when M said she didn't think of herself as a survivor, but as a thriver.

No matter what your circumstance

Everyone should strive to thrive!

Originally posted Monday August 19, 2013

Follow-up Appointments

The morning of July 23 was certainly busy.  My follow-up appointment with the plastic surgeon was 8:30 am.  He announced that the tissue sent to pathology came back clear. All Right!  The swelling has gone down some and he was pleased with the work he had done.  He left the room and the nurse proceeded to remove the surgery tape with tweezers and small shears, and snip the long pieces of stitches.  I left there feeling a little tender and raw.

No more appointments for the plastic surgeon! Yay!

I made my way to work and then had to leave again for my follow-up appointment with my oncologist.  It has been awhile since being there and I walked into the place to see much change ... reconstruction.... the place had more room and organization.  Doc was also impressed with the breast reduction.

"No more leaning to the left!" she said. Funny Doc! 

We discussed my current state of being as she recorded it on the computer system.  I saw my history of the last 18 months and we had a good chat. The smile on her face was enough for me!

I can remember her saying,

 "You will be able to fire me in 5 years". 

My next appointment isn't until November 2013. Nice!

I feel like I have come out of the depths of hell and am now renewed as my healing continues with each new day.

May peace be with you ~

Originally posted Saturday July 27, 2013

I Know Who Holds Tomorrow

A friend of mine shared this with me.  I just thought it was perfect for everyone and especially those who are going through cancer diagnosis.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=PWKZVbG9egQ


Originally posted Sunday July 28, 2013